Mothers Day 2012

It's Mother's Day on May 13, 2012 and I just came back from breakfast with my family.......right now Lonnie is sleeping from a overnight shift.....Jason is at work......Patrick is on the computer in Jason's room.....and Vincent (not my biological son, but he calls me "mom") is going out to treat his own mother to lunch and such......one child missing from this scene and that is my oldest who doesn't think my mothering skills are any good anyway......and even though I don't want to sound cynical this blog will very well sound like that to who reads it......so if you don't want to read it "STOP" right now.......

As a mother of three boys you have to remember that as a woman you have to deal with the reality that they are boys......so you have to strong like a man while keeping your identity as a woman......but I was able to do that because I lived knowing they would go out into the world as men....and even though you don't want to believe it you know that the world would judge you on their character by what you turn out into the world.....I have to say now in the year 2012 that is far from the truth.....I have three sons.....one not speaking to me or I to him.....why because he may have made me proud in some ways.....his character isn't what I raised him to be.....I have the other two.....they aren't perfect.....not by any means.....but they are people with character.....

Character is defined by this: 
1. The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.
2. The distinctive nature of something.

The word "distinctive" is used a lot......is it distinctive for a mother to want the best for her children.....I would say "yes"......do we do the best....hell no....as a mother we lack on things.....we aren't perfect......and never could be.....we are defenders of our children.....we are protectors of our children.....and that is "distinctive".....but once they grow up....and leave the nest they can take their upbringings and throw that right out the window......

I tried to give them the one advice that was important to me.....and that was "family".....family should always come first.....not your friends....not your self but family......they can get married and extend their family......it is only suppose to make it bigger and stronger.....but its not like that in this family......because of that one person and his actions.....his character.....my character is sometimes in question......and it should be......

but family is important to me and always will be.....and when you are in pain from one of your sons......you pull away that distinctive nature as a mother......and that is why I don't care to much about my oldest son.....he made his choice and I plan on following along with it......because there is nothing else I can do......two of my sons know what "family" means......its a dysfunctional way of life for us around here......full of ups and downs.....full of love and fights......but its about "family"......

and one son forgets that.....constantly.......so as a mother have I failed.....PROBABLY......in some people's eyes......but in my eyes I am still going to be me......strong and happy to be that.....I am going to watch my two sons that are still speaking to me to come into their own.......I am disappointed in the character my oldest has displayed......I don't like him A LOT of the times......but he's family.....out there in the world making his own.....right now at this moment would I hold out my arms to take him in.....NO....harsh but true.......he and I are poison to each other......and that happens to......but his actions define my actions toward him.....nothing can be done.....


So its a Happy Mothers to me and I love that I get to spend it surrounded by "family" that love me no matter what.....because I have love for them......no matter what.....and I mean that.....because even if they aren't what you want they are loved.....maybe not "liked" but loved.....your childrens "characters" can not define your motherhood.....it is up to them to remember to be good to people and to always love family........