Why has it been so long since I wrote something on this blog for you......because I had taken time out to think about things I think.....its just one of those things. I had to think about life and family. Don't get me wrong your father is doing fine right now with his life and I have to say I am happy for him. He needed to get out of here to find his way. And I am not about to say I am not enjoying the quiet still with him gone. I see that your mom got married and I am not just happy for her I am thrilled and it brought a smile to my face that she is happy. So much time has gone by so many regrets to think about. There are so many days that you have to wonder what life is suppose to be about and how do you handle the disappointments and the sorrow. My Aunt Louellen is very very sick right now in the hospital not going to make it. I hold a special place for my Aunt because she brought my sister and I together. I have two step sisters....they are my fathers daughters. There is three of us.....Mimi, myself, and then Ruby. And with her leaving this earth it's like how do you thank someone who brought family together. It's making me sad and wanting you hear your voice. Because I know in my heart I will never get to see you again. I know I will be in my grave when you might come seeking me and I won't be able to hug you. I want so much to see your mom and ask her forgiveness. I want her to know that I gave you up for the wrong reasons. I want to just be able to do that in my lifetime. But life is short and getting shorter by the minute. I am still waiting for the years to go by and maybe just maybe you will remember that you have Grandpa Lonnie, Grandma Mylinh, Uncle PatPat, and Uncle Jason out here. Who will be that person to bring the family together. I thought it would be your Grandma Marie.....and I know she had a conversation with your mom....but that just didn't work out did it. So this letter is full of tears running down my cheeks wishing I could have or should have done things differently. Your a part of a large family and the center of my thoughts constantly, and knowing that one day you will get my notes will give me solace right now. I have it set now where you will be found and given those letters on your 20th birthday. Had to get that done in case.
I love you Krystina and miss you with every ounce of my being. I want you to read this and know that I LOVE YOU. You are the most precious human being out there in the whole wide world.
Love you always,
Your grandmother......
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