Hello Krystina
Well I put up my picture wall in my office in the house and I have the whole family up on the wall. Your mom and your Aunt Nikki and pictures of you and the rest of the family, I have pictures of your mom and Aunt Nikki when they were young and your grandmother Marie is up there to. Got to print some pictures of your family picture that includes Zoe and Chad also, since they are a part of your family they need to be included on the wall. And I am happy about that wall, because I have been waiting to get it back up.
I love pictures, I post a lot of pics on Facebook like everyone else but I have an awful lot of paper pics to. Haven't gotten them done in a while now. Used to take family pictures every year. I thought I would write because as usual when I look at my wall now I think of everyone and how everyone is doing and that includes the ones closest to you also. I am getting old and sentimental I guess. Your Uncle Patrick says that wall will remind me who is who when I get senile. Isn't he a funny joker, and he is going to be missed when he moves to North Carolina. I have many friends that read this blog and they are my friends that they sympathize with me on these letters to you. I found myself defending Chad with them recently and they were amazed. Well they looked at me like I grew a second head. He does have to defend your mommy and what and how she saw things in the past, but your dad basically finally admitted he was not a good person with your mom and they were to young to be together. Of course I have to say now that I should have never taken her in without speaking to your grandmother Marie first, but then lets take a look at this. Would you have been born? And you never being born would be a hole in my life. I may not have known what was missing if you weren't born but I don't see if I had a chance to go back and change things I would.
You are still that beautiful young child in my mind. I have seen pictures of you in between your mom and Chad and everybody blocking me from seeing pictures but I have seen the pictures and you are a beautiful young lady and I bet you are the best and smartest young lady. Well you are loved of curse and will always be loved by many.
I don't know if you know the world reads this. That whole big world out there is reading the letters I put up for a granddaughter. And if there is one grandmother suffering the same things that I am suffering then I am not alone in missing you. There are so many obstacles in the way, a lot of feelings that can not be resolved and peace made. I guess that is just one of those things, I am just very very heartbroken sometimes and sad. I wonder in my mind about things and I do get angry so very angry and want to lash out and be mean and then I have to think I put myself in this situation maybe for the right reasons in my mind but for the wrong reasons for others. Sometimes you can't win for lose.
I think the lesson learned here Krystina is that things can be forgiven at some point. It may take a little longer then most but sooner or later forgiveness is the best medicine for a person. If I was able to get pictures and calls and such I don't know if I would write you anymore on the internet and I personally think this shows you that you are thought about. So I enjoy putting letters up for you and to prove that you are never far from my mind.
Well I think I have put down what is on my mind this evening and I send my love to you and everyone around you. That's not believed but I don't care it's how I feel and I do try to put what I feel most of the time, good or bad. I recently saw a picture of your cousins father, Jonathon and your cousins and it was a beautiful picture. I look forward to seeing a picture of you and this half of the family one day. And it will be the center of family wall one day.
Love you always,
Your Gradmother
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
Titan Rey Tessinari
Dearest Titan
How adorable are you? You are getting so fat and you look very peaceful. You are a beautiful child and you have the best mommy and daddy. I am happy that you were gifted to them. And that I have the honor to be your grandmother. It's one of those things that I have been waiting for. I didn't know if I had room for you in my heart because of my own demons of losing one grandchild, but it seems the heart can love a lot for others and you weren't a dream after all but a reality and the love I have for you is boundless. Keep growing young child and always be the best as you bring out the best in everyone around you.
Love you always,
Grandma
How adorable are you? You are getting so fat and you look very peaceful. You are a beautiful child and you have the best mommy and daddy. I am happy that you were gifted to them. And that I have the honor to be your grandmother. It's one of those things that I have been waiting for. I didn't know if I had room for you in my heart because of my own demons of losing one grandchild, but it seems the heart can love a lot for others and you weren't a dream after all but a reality and the love I have for you is boundless. Keep growing young child and always be the best as you bring out the best in everyone around you.
Love you always,
Grandma
 | ||||
| July 16, 2014 |
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Krystina Lucille Tessinari
Dearest Krystina,
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have me as a grandmother? I think I would be an excellent grandmother. I would visit once a year and spoil you and your mother and step father would be upset, or shake their heads at me. God made a perfect choice when he gave me Titan and you. I will always regret the days, months and years without you Krystina. So many regrets in life sometimes. But I have many years to wait for you to. I looked up a couple of young people that I knew and that weren't doing to well in life and I have to tell you some of them have made it through. It's incredible how people can change sometimes, when you think a young person has no hope in life and does the wrong thing they seem to be able to dig their way out of their holes to be with their children and to be that role model they were meant to be. It's an amazing thing to see. When someone's actions disappoint you remember that things can change you just have to have hope and pray a lot.
I love you little girl or young lady as you may like to be called that about now. More then you will ever know. Reading these letters you may know that or say to yourself who is the crazy woman that's write to me on a blog. But it's out of love that I do, and will continue to do so. I would have stopped the blog Krystina if I had normal regular pictures and was allowed to have phone calls again to me. If I was invited to fly to meet you, but there isn't a chance of that in the future, but I will continue to write to you because this is the only way you will know someone out here wants you to know them.
When I write to you it's out of great love, frustration, and sadness. I know what people may think but at this very moment I just don't care what they think. It's just you and I when I write not the people that read this blog or the letters to you. It's like I want to say things to you and you alone but I put it out there for people to see and understand that "I love you". People aren't always forgiving in life, it's just on of those things. I never thought I would be forgiving to certain people in my life. But writing this blog helped me see it from other views also. It's strange to me how I wrote about people and they contacted me and once that contact was made and the talk was done I never wrote about them again.
Today was a wonderful day for me and your grandfather who has decided to join me in my diet and exercise routine to try and be in better health to live just a little bit longer for whatever our future may hold. So we are now thinking about the many things that we may miss if we don't get healthy and are more determined now to do it together. You are one of those factors and Titan is another one of those factors. We have to stay in the world in order for our world to maybe turn out a little brighter.
I received a phone call from your daddy yesterday and he said something that made me smile a lot. First he asked my advice about something, which was so nice. And second of all the next thing that I laughed about is he said, "you know why Arielle would leave me and who's fault it would be if she ever did leave me, but the one thing I can say is I have the two most amazing mom's for my children." I smiled so hard and have to say that even though it was never in dispute that your mommy is a great mommy, just for your daddy to say that and acknowledge that out loud was pure spectacular. Which he always said it about your mommy as a parent in passing but he never put it out there as a full pledge statement and acknowledgement. FINALLY!!!!! A young man has finally grown up and I smile at that.
As a parent you have to wonder sometimes if you made different choices would the world around you be different. What if I didn't allow your mom and dad to move in together when they asked me, would you exist? Probably not, so even if I said "no" and it changed the course of you being born would I know if I was missing something? So many questions for the universe, and I would like to think I would know if something was missing, I just don't know what or who it might be. Would Titan have been born because the steps I allowed may not have had Gary meeting Arielle or your mom to meet Chad and Zoe to being born. So many little steps that ended up like it is now.
So I have to believe and have faith that one day you will come around and meet me and your dad's family which includes your grandfather and uncle's and such. You may miss your great grandmother but I will give you the stories and the highlights, but I want you to know that we are waiting for that future meeting and the hugs and kisses that will be reigned upon you. Then you will run back home and say, who are those crazy people!!!
My little young lady granddaughter have pleasant dreams. Give a kiss to who matters to you now. And say to the stars "I love you whoever is out there".
Love always your grandmother
MyLinh
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have me as a grandmother? I think I would be an excellent grandmother. I would visit once a year and spoil you and your mother and step father would be upset, or shake their heads at me. God made a perfect choice when he gave me Titan and you. I will always regret the days, months and years without you Krystina. So many regrets in life sometimes. But I have many years to wait for you to. I looked up a couple of young people that I knew and that weren't doing to well in life and I have to tell you some of them have made it through. It's incredible how people can change sometimes, when you think a young person has no hope in life and does the wrong thing they seem to be able to dig their way out of their holes to be with their children and to be that role model they were meant to be. It's an amazing thing to see. When someone's actions disappoint you remember that things can change you just have to have hope and pray a lot.
I love you little girl or young lady as you may like to be called that about now. More then you will ever know. Reading these letters you may know that or say to yourself who is the crazy woman that's write to me on a blog. But it's out of love that I do, and will continue to do so. I would have stopped the blog Krystina if I had normal regular pictures and was allowed to have phone calls again to me. If I was invited to fly to meet you, but there isn't a chance of that in the future, but I will continue to write to you because this is the only way you will know someone out here wants you to know them.
When I write to you it's out of great love, frustration, and sadness. I know what people may think but at this very moment I just don't care what they think. It's just you and I when I write not the people that read this blog or the letters to you. It's like I want to say things to you and you alone but I put it out there for people to see and understand that "I love you". People aren't always forgiving in life, it's just on of those things. I never thought I would be forgiving to certain people in my life. But writing this blog helped me see it from other views also. It's strange to me how I wrote about people and they contacted me and once that contact was made and the talk was done I never wrote about them again.
Today was a wonderful day for me and your grandfather who has decided to join me in my diet and exercise routine to try and be in better health to live just a little bit longer for whatever our future may hold. So we are now thinking about the many things that we may miss if we don't get healthy and are more determined now to do it together. You are one of those factors and Titan is another one of those factors. We have to stay in the world in order for our world to maybe turn out a little brighter.
I received a phone call from your daddy yesterday and he said something that made me smile a lot. First he asked my advice about something, which was so nice. And second of all the next thing that I laughed about is he said, "you know why Arielle would leave me and who's fault it would be if she ever did leave me, but the one thing I can say is I have the two most amazing mom's for my children." I smiled so hard and have to say that even though it was never in dispute that your mommy is a great mommy, just for your daddy to say that and acknowledge that out loud was pure spectacular. Which he always said it about your mommy as a parent in passing but he never put it out there as a full pledge statement and acknowledgement. FINALLY!!!!! A young man has finally grown up and I smile at that.
As a parent you have to wonder sometimes if you made different choices would the world around you be different. What if I didn't allow your mom and dad to move in together when they asked me, would you exist? Probably not, so even if I said "no" and it changed the course of you being born would I know if I was missing something? So many questions for the universe, and I would like to think I would know if something was missing, I just don't know what or who it might be. Would Titan have been born because the steps I allowed may not have had Gary meeting Arielle or your mom to meet Chad and Zoe to being born. So many little steps that ended up like it is now.
So I have to believe and have faith that one day you will come around and meet me and your dad's family which includes your grandfather and uncle's and such. You may miss your great grandmother but I will give you the stories and the highlights, but I want you to know that we are waiting for that future meeting and the hugs and kisses that will be reigned upon you. Then you will run back home and say, who are those crazy people!!!
My little young lady granddaughter have pleasant dreams. Give a kiss to who matters to you now. And say to the stars "I love you whoever is out there".
Love always your grandmother
MyLinh
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Gary Matthew Tessinari - 2014
Well everyone I want to blog about my trip to N. Carolina and visiting my son and
his wife, Arielle and my new grandson. What an amazing trip, and from what I saw
and heard my son is now officially the man I can be proud of for his actions. I
love Gary, never denied that, but his actions in the past made me madder then a
hornet. And I have blogged about it many many times, but from the things I have
seen this young and angry and mean young man has grown into a thoughtful and even
minded man. Very proud of him and I hope he always remembers that.
This man now has talks with his wife and jokes with his wife and doesn't put her down for anything, he speaks evenly and explains himself well to her and listens to her and takes into consideration her thoughts and doesn't belittle her. He shows his proudness when he speaks of her and shows that everyday. He is still messy, and doesn't take his plate to the sink but I think he is a man on that part. But he needs to remember to do that out of consideration.
I know that he regrets many things in life and the only way I know that is because he admits it now openly his mistakes and takes the responsibility of those mistakes. Gary would never admit he was wrong in the past. He would always blame it on others, before anything else came out of his mouth. But he doesn't do that anymore, and that is the main reason why I know he has changed. Can someone fall back on his bad ways, yes, but I think with Arielle behind him and standing strong he won't. He called me today and said they were just coming back from lunch because they had things to discuss. Did that ever come out of Gary's mouth before that he would take the time to discuss something, hell no.
I love my new grandson and he is so pretty. He is going to be a heart breaker. And watch out girls he will know all your names......poor Arielle. He is alert and wants to see the world and what is going on around him. As a first time mom Arielle is very very attentive. She may want to watch out and not spoil him. But he is beautiful.
I have to say that Gary has now set the bar up high for his brothers and it has crawled out of the ditch he seems to have made himself. And I am glad, he showed that he can change and for the better. WAY TO GO GARY!
I am just happy that he is happy, he has a beautiful home and a new family that seems to enjoy him to. He can learn a lot from Mr. P and I thank Arielle's family also for showing him what a man should be. Gary had it in him he just needed to learn to bring that about.
Well he still works hard and has many plans for the future and one of them is to do right by Arielle and his son. He has other plans but I am going to keep that under wraps for the moment. I loved to see them and wish this new family so many blessings and wishes that will come true.
Thank you Gary for showing that it can be done and changes can be made.
This man now has talks with his wife and jokes with his wife and doesn't put her down for anything, he speaks evenly and explains himself well to her and listens to her and takes into consideration her thoughts and doesn't belittle her. He shows his proudness when he speaks of her and shows that everyday. He is still messy, and doesn't take his plate to the sink but I think he is a man on that part. But he needs to remember to do that out of consideration.
I know that he regrets many things in life and the only way I know that is because he admits it now openly his mistakes and takes the responsibility of those mistakes. Gary would never admit he was wrong in the past. He would always blame it on others, before anything else came out of his mouth. But he doesn't do that anymore, and that is the main reason why I know he has changed. Can someone fall back on his bad ways, yes, but I think with Arielle behind him and standing strong he won't. He called me today and said they were just coming back from lunch because they had things to discuss. Did that ever come out of Gary's mouth before that he would take the time to discuss something, hell no.
I love my new grandson and he is so pretty. He is going to be a heart breaker. And watch out girls he will know all your names......poor Arielle. He is alert and wants to see the world and what is going on around him. As a first time mom Arielle is very very attentive. She may want to watch out and not spoil him. But he is beautiful.
I have to say that Gary has now set the bar up high for his brothers and it has crawled out of the ditch he seems to have made himself. And I am glad, he showed that he can change and for the better. WAY TO GO GARY!
I am just happy that he is happy, he has a beautiful home and a new family that seems to enjoy him to. He can learn a lot from Mr. P and I thank Arielle's family also for showing him what a man should be. Gary had it in him he just needed to learn to bring that about.
Well he still works hard and has many plans for the future and one of them is to do right by Arielle and his son. He has other plans but I am going to keep that under wraps for the moment. I loved to see them and wish this new family so many blessings and wishes that will come true.
Thank you Gary for showing that it can be done and changes can be made.
http://www.gofundme.com/8ale2k
CATEGORY - Accidents & Emergencies
SEARCH ZIP CODE - 32810
TITLE TO LOOK FOR - New Roof
Thousands of people have read this blog and I have even had some feedback on people. Well I am asking you to go to this website and up above is what you can search for. Please find it in your hearts to take a moment to do this and then help if you can. It doesn't take much to help a person and I will be forever grateful if you do and can. But if you can't sharing the situation on Facebook or any media will help I am sure. And I will still be as grateful as anyone that you cared enough to do this. If 6880 people donate $1.00 I will have a new roof. Hurricane Aurthur went by us and it's unfortunate that I am happy when so many others may have suffered. My house isn't or can't even be insured because of the roof and if a hurricane hits I will lose everything. Please read and share this and ask anyone to read and share and I want to thank you all for taking the time.
Thank you all
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Krystina Tessinari
Hi once again Krystina,
I can't seem to stop thinking about you today and my grandson Titan Rey. I am in awe that certain things happened today that I can be thankful for and things that I can be sad for. I am sad for Nikki, your Aunt and her side of the family and maybe they don't believe that since I don't know them all at all but it is sad and no family should ever have to go through something like that. The world is a loving place but sometimes pure evil can sneak in and just take something precious away from you. Nothing should be read into this at all except to say that it just makes me sad. You weren't taken from me, I made that mistake by my own choices in life and I am fighting so hard to make amends. But one day Krystina one day it will be a pleasure to meet you and to see what a beautiful young lady you have become.
I want you to know if anything at all happens to me and I don't get that chance I am giving it my all. Even a little response from your step daddy has put a little lightness into my step all day. It's just so major to me and I find myself thanking anyone that it happened. I don't know why because it didn't go as I had hoped and there is no compromise with even pictures promised but it was words being exchanged. If they aren't nice words I don't see it. Maybe everyone s laughing right now at my silliness of being happy that I got a response and the hidden message behind that response is "go away you stupid ignorant person" but I don't take it that way. Should I Krystina or should I keep celebrating a response. I have no idea, I guess i could be a silly middle aged woman, who is fat and overweight and dumb at the same time. But I take the little things to heart these days. I guess I am getting old. Or maybe sentimental since I am leaving Titan to go home tomorrow.
Did I tell you my secret......I am trying to come to terms with my overweight and working out. Another silly thing that I have come to terms with. Trying to add another 2 to 5 years to myself. I lost 30 pounds so far in 3 months and I am so proud of myself. I don't want to be fat and ugly if you do come around one day but a grandma you can be proud of. I guess I fight and fight for you to know that someone is fighting for you also. I won't give up Krystina not ever. I write Titan Rey to because this will now somehow connect to the both of you. Plus that little one needs my letters in case something happens to me. You never know, I get sentimental when you know it can all go away someday and your wishes are dust.
Do you still believe in wishes? I remember you wishing for things? You were such a dreamer Krystina, never give that up if you can help it. Well I end this stupid grandmotherly letter to you. Wish I could tell you to hug your cousins and Aunt Nikki to and tell them that I was thinking of them today. I have seen a picture of them recently and I wonder where does the time go. Be blessed Krystina and keep growing up.
Love you always and forever,
Grandma
I can't seem to stop thinking about you today and my grandson Titan Rey. I am in awe that certain things happened today that I can be thankful for and things that I can be sad for. I am sad for Nikki, your Aunt and her side of the family and maybe they don't believe that since I don't know them all at all but it is sad and no family should ever have to go through something like that. The world is a loving place but sometimes pure evil can sneak in and just take something precious away from you. Nothing should be read into this at all except to say that it just makes me sad. You weren't taken from me, I made that mistake by my own choices in life and I am fighting so hard to make amends. But one day Krystina one day it will be a pleasure to meet you and to see what a beautiful young lady you have become.
I want you to know if anything at all happens to me and I don't get that chance I am giving it my all. Even a little response from your step daddy has put a little lightness into my step all day. It's just so major to me and I find myself thanking anyone that it happened. I don't know why because it didn't go as I had hoped and there is no compromise with even pictures promised but it was words being exchanged. If they aren't nice words I don't see it. Maybe everyone s laughing right now at my silliness of being happy that I got a response and the hidden message behind that response is "go away you stupid ignorant person" but I don't take it that way. Should I Krystina or should I keep celebrating a response. I have no idea, I guess i could be a silly middle aged woman, who is fat and overweight and dumb at the same time. But I take the little things to heart these days. I guess I am getting old. Or maybe sentimental since I am leaving Titan to go home tomorrow.
Did I tell you my secret......I am trying to come to terms with my overweight and working out. Another silly thing that I have come to terms with. Trying to add another 2 to 5 years to myself. I lost 30 pounds so far in 3 months and I am so proud of myself. I don't want to be fat and ugly if you do come around one day but a grandma you can be proud of. I guess I fight and fight for you to know that someone is fighting for you also. I won't give up Krystina not ever. I write Titan Rey to because this will now somehow connect to the both of you. Plus that little one needs my letters in case something happens to me. You never know, I get sentimental when you know it can all go away someday and your wishes are dust.
Do you still believe in wishes? I remember you wishing for things? You were such a dreamer Krystina, never give that up if you can help it. Well I end this stupid grandmotherly letter to you. Wish I could tell you to hug your cousins and Aunt Nikki to and tell them that I was thinking of them today. I have seen a picture of them recently and I wonder where does the time go. Be blessed Krystina and keep growing up.
Love you always and forever,
Grandma
Thank You and I appreciate it Chad
CRJune 24, 2014 at 10:59 PM
Mylinh,
As much as I would love to sit here and argue with you about your invalid points and slandering of my name I just don’t have that much time as I am busy living my life with my family. I would like to take some time though and hit on some key points in your wonderfully thought out and in-depth blog.
-I have not once said these things that your son Gary has told you. Your son must be in so much “shock and hurt” that he feels he must lie to his mother.
-As for the quotes you put out there from me. I live my life by those quotes every day. In my professional and private life and I will continue to do so. I actually speak about domestic (physical & mental) abuse that I went through when I was a kid for CASA. Something your son did to my wife when they were together. I do not take lightly to people that do these kinds of things and that will not change. You have your set of guidelines and morals in your life and I have mine.
Now, I understand that this is your blog and I can understand why you have it up but I would appreciate it if you would take this down as it does reflect poorly on my character when these things I am “accused” of are not true in the slightest. I know you do a lot of these posts to get a “rise” out of my wife or myself and that is fine. To each their own but this one has crossed the line in my opinion.
As for Krystina finding you all when she is older. That will be 100% her choice. She will be raised with a set of values much similar to my families and will be capable of making her own decisions when she gets older. As a child of adoption and wanting to find my family when I was older I remember my parents telling me “when you are 18 years of age you can find your family if you are 100% sure and we will assist you”. When Krystina is able to comprehend things as an adult we will have this conversation with her and I will stand behind my words as I do with everything else.
Please take this blog down as it does slander my name and my character. Thank you.
As much as I would love to sit here and argue with you about your invalid points and slandering of my name I just don’t have that much time as I am busy living my life with my family. I would like to take some time though and hit on some key points in your wonderfully thought out and in-depth blog.
-I have not once said these things that your son Gary has told you. Your son must be in so much “shock and hurt” that he feels he must lie to his mother.
-As for the quotes you put out there from me. I live my life by those quotes every day. In my professional and private life and I will continue to do so. I actually speak about domestic (physical & mental) abuse that I went through when I was a kid for CASA. Something your son did to my wife when they were together. I do not take lightly to people that do these kinds of things and that will not change. You have your set of guidelines and morals in your life and I have mine.
Now, I understand that this is your blog and I can understand why you have it up but I would appreciate it if you would take this down as it does reflect poorly on my character when these things I am “accused” of are not true in the slightest. I know you do a lot of these posts to get a “rise” out of my wife or myself and that is fine. To each their own but this one has crossed the line in my opinion.
As for Krystina finding you all when she is older. That will be 100% her choice. She will be raised with a set of values much similar to my families and will be capable of making her own decisions when she gets older. As a child of adoption and wanting to find my family when I was older I remember my parents telling me “when you are 18 years of age you can find your family if you are 100% sure and we will assist you”. When Krystina is able to comprehend things as an adult we will have this conversation with her and I will stand behind my words as I do with everything else.
Please take this blog down as it does slander my name and my character. Thank you.
Thank you Chadwick Ratigan for your time and thoughts on this matter and I appreciate the time it took and the kindness you have shown just by replying.
*****I am posting this response to make sure that I keep it real. I am honestly very genuinely happy for the time it took away from family for this response. It doesn't hurt my feelings to finally have one open discussion. It's very straight forward and honest on both ends, As he see's it and as I see it. So THANK YOU AGAIN CHAD FOR YOUR TIME.
Not a religious person, but if God had something to do with Chad having to find the time to respond I have to give my thanks.
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