Dearest Krystina,
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have me as a grandmother? I think I would be an excellent grandmother. I would visit once a year and spoil you and your mother and step father would be upset, or shake their heads at me. God made a perfect choice when he gave me Titan and you. I will always regret the days, months and years without you Krystina. So many regrets in life sometimes. But I have many years to wait for you to. I looked up a couple of young people that I knew and that weren't doing to well in life and I have to tell you some of them have made it through. It's incredible how people can change sometimes, when you think a young person has no hope in life and does the wrong thing they seem to be able to dig their way out of their holes to be with their children and to be that role model they were meant to be. It's an amazing thing to see. When someone's actions disappoint you remember that things can change you just have to have hope and pray a lot.
I love you little girl or young lady as you may like to be called that about now. More then you will ever know. Reading these letters you may know that or say to yourself who is the crazy woman that's write to me on a blog. But it's out of love that I do, and will continue to do so. I would have stopped the blog Krystina if I had normal regular pictures and was allowed to have phone calls again to me. If I was invited to fly to meet you, but there isn't a chance of that in the future, but I will continue to write to you because this is the only way you will know someone out here wants you to know them.
When I write to you it's out of great love, frustration, and sadness. I know what people may think but at this very moment I just don't care what they think. It's just you and I when I write not the people that read this blog or the letters to you. It's like I want to say things to you and you alone but I put it out there for people to see and understand that "I love you". People aren't always forgiving in life, it's just on of those things. I never thought I would be forgiving to certain people in my life. But writing this blog helped me see it from other views also. It's strange to me how I wrote about people and they contacted me and once that contact was made and the talk was done I never wrote about them again.
Today was a wonderful day for me and your grandfather who has decided to join me in my diet and exercise routine to try and be in better health to live just a little bit longer for whatever our future may hold. So we are now thinking about the many things that we may miss if we don't get healthy and are more determined now to do it together. You are one of those factors and Titan is another one of those factors. We have to stay in the world in order for our world to maybe turn out a little brighter.
I received a phone call from your daddy yesterday and he said something that made me smile a lot. First he asked my advice about something, which was so nice. And second of all the next thing that I laughed about is he said, "you know why Arielle would leave me and who's fault it would be if she ever did leave me, but the one thing I can say is I have the two most amazing mom's for my children." I smiled so hard and have to say that even though it was never in dispute that your mommy is a great mommy, just for your daddy to say that and acknowledge that out loud was pure spectacular. Which he always said it about your mommy as a parent in passing but he never put it out there as a full pledge statement and acknowledgement. FINALLY!!!!! A young man has finally grown up and I smile at that.
As a parent you have to wonder sometimes if you made different choices would the world around you be different. What if I didn't allow your mom and dad to move in together when they asked me, would you exist? Probably not, so even if I said "no" and it changed the course of you being born would I know if I was missing something? So many questions for the universe, and I would like to think I would know if something was missing, I just don't know what or who it might be. Would Titan have been born because the steps I allowed may not have had Gary meeting Arielle or your mom to meet Chad and Zoe to being born. So many little steps that ended up like it is now.
So I have to believe and have faith that one day you will come around and meet me and your dad's family which includes your grandfather and uncle's and such. You may miss your great grandmother but I will give you the stories and the highlights, but I want you to know that we are waiting for that future meeting and the hugs and kisses that will be reigned upon you. Then you will run back home and say, who are those crazy people!!!
My little young lady granddaughter have pleasant dreams. Give a kiss to who matters to you now. And say to the stars "I love you whoever is out there".
Love always your grandmother
MyLinh
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