Hello Krystina
Well I put up my picture wall in my office in the house and I have the whole family up on the wall. Your mom and your Aunt Nikki and pictures of you and the rest of the family, I have pictures of your mom and Aunt Nikki when they were young and your grandmother Marie is up there to. Got to print some pictures of your family picture that includes Zoe and Chad also, since they are a part of your family they need to be included on the wall. And I am happy about that wall, because I have been waiting to get it back up.
I love pictures, I post a lot of pics on Facebook like everyone else but I have an awful lot of paper pics to. Haven't gotten them done in a while now. Used to take family pictures every year. I thought I would write because as usual when I look at my wall now I think of everyone and how everyone is doing and that includes the ones closest to you also. I am getting old and sentimental I guess. Your Uncle Patrick says that wall will remind me who is who when I get senile. Isn't he a funny joker, and he is going to be missed when he moves to North Carolina. I have many friends that read this blog and they are my friends that they sympathize with me on these letters to you. I found myself defending Chad with them recently and they were amazed. Well they looked at me like I grew a second head. He does have to defend your mommy and what and how she saw things in the past, but your dad basically finally admitted he was not a good person with your mom and they were to young to be together. Of course I have to say now that I should have never taken her in without speaking to your grandmother Marie first, but then lets take a look at this. Would you have been born? And you never being born would be a hole in my life. I may not have known what was missing if you weren't born but I don't see if I had a chance to go back and change things I would.
You are still that beautiful young child in my mind. I have seen pictures of you in between your mom and Chad and everybody blocking me from seeing pictures but I have seen the pictures and you are a beautiful young lady and I bet you are the best and smartest young lady. Well you are loved of curse and will always be loved by many.
I don't know if you know the world reads this. That whole big world out there is reading the letters I put up for a granddaughter. And if there is one grandmother suffering the same things that I am suffering then I am not alone in missing you. There are so many obstacles in the way, a lot of feelings that can not be resolved and peace made. I guess that is just one of those things, I am just very very heartbroken sometimes and sad. I wonder in my mind about things and I do get angry so very angry and want to lash out and be mean and then I have to think I put myself in this situation maybe for the right reasons in my mind but for the wrong reasons for others. Sometimes you can't win for lose.
I think the lesson learned here Krystina is that things can be forgiven at some point. It may take a little longer then most but sooner or later forgiveness is the best medicine for a person. If I was able to get pictures and calls and such I don't know if I would write you anymore on the internet and I personally think this shows you that you are thought about. So I enjoy putting letters up for you and to prove that you are never far from my mind.
Well I think I have put down what is on my mind this evening and I send my love to you and everyone around you. That's not believed but I don't care it's how I feel and I do try to put what I feel most of the time, good or bad. I recently saw a picture of your cousins father, Jonathon and your cousins and it was a beautiful picture. I look forward to seeing a picture of you and this half of the family one day. And it will be the center of family wall one day.
Love you always,
Your Gradmother
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