Dearest Granddaughter Krystina,
I am writing you to tell you that you are a big sister once again to Titan Rey Tessinari, born May 30, 2014 in North Carolina. He is a precious little boy like you are a precious little girl. I have so much love to give to you and I have so much love for this new addition to the family. As you are a big sister to your sister Zoe, I hope that one day you will get to meet Titan and be a big sister to him. I am a grandmother once again, and I love the fact that this can happen more then once in a lifetime. But never will I forget you are out there and I am missing you everyday of your life.
I wish so much that I can see you and hug you and talk to you. But it's not in the cards at the moment and I can see Titan and hug him and talk to him. I don't want to ever let you believe that I have forgotten about you because that can never happen. Every-time I see Titan I am reminded that he has a big sister out there in the world. But I don't need to see him to know that neither. You are a wonderful granddaughter and a loved one no matter what. I have had my doubts that I wanted to participate in a grandchild's life and then be hurt again. But I have the love of being a grandmother that needs to be satisfied also.
I don't live close to Titan, and it will be long intervals that I do get to see him. Yet I know that I will have access to him as much as possible and I do truly hope that will never change. You can never tell though can you. Things change daily and the winds can bring a tornado of hurt. Your great grandmother mentioned you a few times this week. She said that it won't be long when you wonder about your fathers family and with the internet you will be able to find everyone one day, and want an explanation on "why". I have put the "why's" in this blog. A foolish woman trying not to make waves, given a choice and I made the worst mistake in her life. But your great grandmother also knows that if you have my blood in you that you will forgive. Forgiveness is the word of the day.
Forgive me for showering love onto a new grandchild, and not being able to shower you with the love I hold for you. Forgive me for loving another grandchild as much as I love you. And know that right now I still cry over a grandchild I so truly love and want to love. I just want you to know I have enough love to love this family and each addition to the family that comes in the future. I just want to be someone's grandmother and I have been blessed to be given that opportunity once again. It doesn't make the hurt of not seeing you easy or less painful. It just allows me to give extra love to a little boy that has come into the world looking for a "great" grandma and I plan on being that as much as I am allowed.
Love you Krystina for always and forever
Your Grandmother
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