Friends vs Family

I have been writing a young lady that is spending time in prison for a crime she did commit.  I do not condone her crime by any means.  She took a life and is spending her 25 years in prison and knows she did wrong.  I send her lots of letters because I am one of those writers that like to write, I did it for another friend who was released from prison almost two years ago, and I just think they need to know they haven't been forgotten out her in the real world.  Both have different stories why they were in prison and didn't do their crimes out of malice or robbing someone but because of different circumstances they did commit a crime.  One took a life and one attempted was her charge.  But they are still human beings to me and one wasn't a friend by any means.  She was so mean to me in the past that when I reminded her of her being mean to me and such she had to listen or read my letters and come to terms with that and then acknowledge that and she is a friend ever since she has left prison and will remain a friend forever from this point on.  The young lady I am writing now was a young girl when I meet her and my son Gary and her hung out.  I never had grand illusions that she would marry any of my children or such but I knew she was in and how it happened that she is there, and felt that she would like some kind of contact from me or really anyone that would write her and give her some kind of contact.

Well why am I blogging about this?  I don't know I just feel sometimes that the people that are your friends sometimes understand you more then the people that are the closest to you.  She makes me feel like I am someone that is important to her.  Maybe it's because she is in prison and has very little contact with others, and I am the only one to write her 10 times in just one day.  But she tells me she remembers me and always loved to come over to my home to play with my children or Gary and even though I believe I was a tough mom and always yelling to get things done I did a hell of a job.  She knows so much about my fears and my insecurities and gives me encouragement and says all the right things.  Where others feel like if I speak or blog I am just crazy and stupid and such.  I just don't know how to say it right and believe me I can say things as my readers know.  She makes me feel like I don't need to beg to love me or like me she just does.  Again is it because she is in prison and just wants me to continue writing her all the time.  Because I won't stop at this point unless she tells me to stop and she never wants to hear from me again.

She says be myself and don't let anyone tell you that you aren't worth anything in their actions or anything.  And I know this for myself also, but it's so hard.  I gave her some advice recently and told her to stop being gullible and she took my advice and it all worked out because she stood up for herself and I was so happy for her.  But how do I give such good advice to her and not follow it myself.  I do stand up for myself in many many incidents but when it comes family I let them steam roll me in many many situations also.  Promises get made that aren't honored, you can ask a family member something and they say I will do it and they don't and then it all just becomes a big avalanche of hurt feelings.  I am not making sense right now and it's because I am aware of things I didn't want to be aware of and it's bothering me some.  I have to learn that family can hurt you the most in life and it's because they are family and know where to hurt you and how.  Well as my family goes it's just one of those things I guess.  It's only me and I am not that important at this moment.