Orlando, Florida
I wanted to put a new front door in and not one from Home Depot or Lowes....and I certainly didn't want to have my husband putting the new front door in....
I knew that it would take someone to redo the trim and such and I wanted a nice door......
Salesman comes over after I look up doors in google and I choose to go with Pella.....the salesman was very nice....he really was....I chose the color and the glass and I wanted to chose the handle from the little catalog they had.....He said the door comes with a standard handle and the handles in the book wouldn't fit my door....Kinda strange since it was in the catalog....but I went with it that a standard door knob and lock would do okay for now......and I let it go........and I even saw that on the paperwork.....now stupid ignorant me didn't know it would take over a month to have the door made.......which was fine with me....I was paying $2600.00 for the door of my choice and I wanted it to be nice.....I am in the process of redoing my living room since my son Jason moved out.........
well the day comes that I have been waiting for....August 30, 2013 and my door was going in.....but guess what no handle....Pella calls me after I only get a couple of hours sleep to tell me that the door handle doesn't come with the door....don't wake up a person that has been excited about her door and tell her that....because let me tell you, my husband who works third shift also only had a couple of hours sleep and now you are saying, "Well can you go out and get a door handle".
Not good....if they didn't already take the old door down and tear into my frame they would have been packing up this door.....but atlas had to wake up my husband and ask him to go to Home Depot and pick me up a door handle.....its a beautiful handle ..... but why do I sit down with a sales rep to chose everything but not a handle....can anyone tell me that......the installation team was marvelous and my door is beautiful except of course for the scratch on the upper part of the door where the installation team put touch up paint on it that is not the color of my door... he said wait till it dries it will blend......
well they wanted a signature and wanted to know if I would recommend their company to another.... I may the experience wasn't horrible but slightly disappointing..... I even had another door I was considering them to do for me.....but I will think about it......lets see how I feel.....I look at my door and know its beautiful and new.....I know there is a scratch with touch up paint.....I know that before the door got here I chose new lightning for outside so if I knew it was explained to me to go get a handle and deadbolt that would have been picked up and sitting here, ready....but I didn't check the box....because I was still mad no one explained that to me....so in a world where a consumer spends quite a deal of money for something nice they want to have it done and ready.....why did I chose the paint the glass and such but given the opportunity to get the Pella lock I wanted.......
But by gones......
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Gary M. Tessinari
Well another birthday down.........
Happy Birthday you are now 26 years old......getting older...hopefully getting wiser......
So your brother is with you and hopefully everything is what and how you want it to be.......
Don't know if another year has made you wiser and kinder.....
But Happy Birthday.......
Your Mom
Happy Birthday you are now 26 years old......getting older...hopefully getting wiser......
So your brother is with you and hopefully everything is what and how you want it to be.......
Don't know if another year has made you wiser and kinder.....
But Happy Birthday.......
Your Mom
Monday, August 19, 2013
Krystina Lucille Tessinari
Dearest Krystina,
I don't know why I am writing you this letter right now because there is a letter I wanted to write my mother tonight. But I have to get my thoughts together about your great grandmother before I write the letter. Why? Well because your great grandmother tried killing herself today (August 19th). And I have a lot of thoughts swimming in my head. I tried putting it into this blog but its rambling right now. Not sadness about it but anger. Strange to you right that your great grandmother tried killing herself and I am not sad about it but angry. I know it is for me to right now. So I changed the heading of this blog to a letter to you. Maybe because since you don't know about this part of the family I feel like I have to tell you a couple of things before I can concentrate on my mom.
I love you Krystina. No one can deny my love for you. I am angry about the situation that I put myself in that I can not talk to you. But I was happy with the pictures I have been getting. Your mom responded to Patrick recently and even if I was totally thrilled with the response and that she acknowledged Patrick it was the same thing "your mom did wrong" and this and that. Don't think its a quote because its not. Your mom was right. But I want and need her to forgive me. I was an idiot and I can't say that enough. But I will continue on with writing you these letters because its all I have in life for you. I can feel like I am giving you an insight of this part of the family. Not all the rosy and uplifting stuff but the whole picture. I guess its because of my mom's and my relationship that I thought if I was the opposite I would always have family that at least respected me and loved me enough to know that fights and disagreements happen but family was important. But I don't even have that do I.
How can I explain to you in a letter the love I have for you. How can I tell you that one mistake a person might make shouldn't define a relationship. Because if I sit here and add up the mistakes my mom has made toward family she deserves my anger. Yet I know your moms angry with me and I deserve that, but I have to say I thought the good I did for her would outweigh the bad I may have done with taking sides, one time. So can I say all the beatings my mom gave me, the humiliations, and the unsaid words aren't forgivable for my mom. I have to forgive my mom and I thought I did. There was a "come to Jesus" moment for my mom and myself and I told her I can forgive but I can't forget. And I want that with your mom to. But do I have the right to ask for that. I can say "yes" for selfish reasons. I can list the reasons why I deserve at least a pass for ignorance. But its all up to your mom isn't it and it doesn't look like I will get that anytime soon. So I will keep writing these letters to you. I will continue saying how I love you and I hope to continue getting pictures of you.
If Krystina you read this after my passing and we never get a chance to see each other again, know one thing I was and am a passionate person in love and life. You were born and my life as a grandmother was to begin. I chose to end it for reasons I have written about. And I may not get that second chance but know I always wanted that second chance. My mother may die and I may be dead when you may read the horrible things I went through with her growing up and wonder if I was anything like her. NO I AM NOTHING LIKE YOUR GREAT GRANDMOTHER. I was the opposite and tried to be the opposite. I just feel like life is short and if this doesn't have a resolution I didn't want you to grow up and get these letters and wonder about that. Forgiveness is a gift to anyone. Forgiveness is hard to do. But I understand that to.....because I may say I forgive my own mother but I don't know if I have yet. It's one of those things that needs to be done to give a person absolution, but its easier said then done. Just try Krystina, if you get these letters and I am not around to explain anything you may have questions to just remember "I only wanted to be forgiven". I have people in my life that I have to forgive to. And I realize I have to work at that myself. But I do try so hard. I do want to be that person. But stubbornness is a lot easier sometimes isn't it.
Well as usual writing you made me feel better some. I LOVE YOU LITTLE ONE. And this letter is important to me for you as all of them are. I read stories all the time parents leaving their children videos or letters because they know they are dying and want them to have a little something of themselves. I started writing thinking its a way to keep you in the loop and we would meet again. But with life as it is I could die tomorrow and now these letters have become more important to me. And those pictures I get are even more precious to me.
Krystina I am going to end this letter. Its a little sappy and sad. Its a true reflection on the day I am having. I just can't let this sit and lie and not know that there is a chance you won't read these letters till after I am dead and gone. They are important to me. You are important to me. Your mom is important to me. My boys are important to me. Lonnie is important to me. My friends are important to me. I left these letters with several people that will find you and give them to you if I am gone. I just hope that I am here for you to curse or yell at or to ask questions to. But if not, that's what life is all about the old leaving and the new starting out.
Love Your Grandmother
I don't know why I am writing you this letter right now because there is a letter I wanted to write my mother tonight. But I have to get my thoughts together about your great grandmother before I write the letter. Why? Well because your great grandmother tried killing herself today (August 19th). And I have a lot of thoughts swimming in my head. I tried putting it into this blog but its rambling right now. Not sadness about it but anger. Strange to you right that your great grandmother tried killing herself and I am not sad about it but angry. I know it is for me to right now. So I changed the heading of this blog to a letter to you. Maybe because since you don't know about this part of the family I feel like I have to tell you a couple of things before I can concentrate on my mom.
I love you Krystina. No one can deny my love for you. I am angry about the situation that I put myself in that I can not talk to you. But I was happy with the pictures I have been getting. Your mom responded to Patrick recently and even if I was totally thrilled with the response and that she acknowledged Patrick it was the same thing "your mom did wrong" and this and that. Don't think its a quote because its not. Your mom was right. But I want and need her to forgive me. I was an idiot and I can't say that enough. But I will continue on with writing you these letters because its all I have in life for you. I can feel like I am giving you an insight of this part of the family. Not all the rosy and uplifting stuff but the whole picture. I guess its because of my mom's and my relationship that I thought if I was the opposite I would always have family that at least respected me and loved me enough to know that fights and disagreements happen but family was important. But I don't even have that do I.
How can I explain to you in a letter the love I have for you. How can I tell you that one mistake a person might make shouldn't define a relationship. Because if I sit here and add up the mistakes my mom has made toward family she deserves my anger. Yet I know your moms angry with me and I deserve that, but I have to say I thought the good I did for her would outweigh the bad I may have done with taking sides, one time. So can I say all the beatings my mom gave me, the humiliations, and the unsaid words aren't forgivable for my mom. I have to forgive my mom and I thought I did. There was a "come to Jesus" moment for my mom and myself and I told her I can forgive but I can't forget. And I want that with your mom to. But do I have the right to ask for that. I can say "yes" for selfish reasons. I can list the reasons why I deserve at least a pass for ignorance. But its all up to your mom isn't it and it doesn't look like I will get that anytime soon. So I will keep writing these letters to you. I will continue saying how I love you and I hope to continue getting pictures of you.
If Krystina you read this after my passing and we never get a chance to see each other again, know one thing I was and am a passionate person in love and life. You were born and my life as a grandmother was to begin. I chose to end it for reasons I have written about. And I may not get that second chance but know I always wanted that second chance. My mother may die and I may be dead when you may read the horrible things I went through with her growing up and wonder if I was anything like her. NO I AM NOTHING LIKE YOUR GREAT GRANDMOTHER. I was the opposite and tried to be the opposite. I just feel like life is short and if this doesn't have a resolution I didn't want you to grow up and get these letters and wonder about that. Forgiveness is a gift to anyone. Forgiveness is hard to do. But I understand that to.....because I may say I forgive my own mother but I don't know if I have yet. It's one of those things that needs to be done to give a person absolution, but its easier said then done. Just try Krystina, if you get these letters and I am not around to explain anything you may have questions to just remember "I only wanted to be forgiven". I have people in my life that I have to forgive to. And I realize I have to work at that myself. But I do try so hard. I do want to be that person. But stubbornness is a lot easier sometimes isn't it.
Well as usual writing you made me feel better some. I LOVE YOU LITTLE ONE. And this letter is important to me for you as all of them are. I read stories all the time parents leaving their children videos or letters because they know they are dying and want them to have a little something of themselves. I started writing thinking its a way to keep you in the loop and we would meet again. But with life as it is I could die tomorrow and now these letters have become more important to me. And those pictures I get are even more precious to me.
Krystina I am going to end this letter. Its a little sappy and sad. Its a true reflection on the day I am having. I just can't let this sit and lie and not know that there is a chance you won't read these letters till after I am dead and gone. They are important to me. You are important to me. Your mom is important to me. My boys are important to me. Lonnie is important to me. My friends are important to me. I left these letters with several people that will find you and give them to you if I am gone. I just hope that I am here for you to curse or yell at or to ask questions to. But if not, that's what life is all about the old leaving and the new starting out.
Love Your Grandmother
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Blog and Blogging
I found my way into this by accident. I didn't know if I wanted to write on the internet about my family, issues, or whatever. I decided I would write about family. My family is one of those families that have a lot of issues and god its a lot of issues. But I am just one of those mothers that try to survive raising my family to the best of my abilities. I have failed in many areas but have succeeded in many more. I have my own failures and my own issues as does every human being on this earth. There is a lot of feed back I receive on this blog. I get feed back from my family constantly. They don't want their lives out there. What is the difference from me writing in this blog to them having Facebook. We know I have issues with my son Gary and his new wife Arielle. We know that I have issues with not being able to speak or see Krystina's pictures. We know that I have issues with my ex husband or Kayti. We know when I am hurting or when I am sad or when I am happy. Is it such a big deal. Really if you think about it if you aren't ashamed of your life you won't have an issue. My husband Lonnie and two of my sons don't care about the blogging. Patrick and Jason say "heh, if it helps you to get stuff out then I don't care". It just seems like the ones that have the problems with me blogging are the ones that I have the issues with. But we all have to remember that this blog is only how I feel or how I interpret things. They all have their own minds on how they interpret things and how they feel about things....no two people are going to feel the same about things. So I do understand that much at least. As I have stated only one person can make me stop and that person would have to contact me to do that.
So lets begin on some issues. I have a issue right now that my ex husband, Daniel W. Birdsong is in the Philippines and married someone so soon after arriving there. He lived with a woman in Orlando, Florida for many years. She was the one that tried to put a restraining order on my children and tried to take my youngest son from me. Well of course she didn't do it alone. Dan did participate in that. I believe I have blogged about this in the past. But he just recently got a chance to come back in his son's lives and then took off to the Philippines to be with this other woman who gave birth to his daughter many many years ago. Whats funny is he never really looked for his daughter like he gave up being a father to his boys but yet he is forgiven by the boys, and he found his daughter and now is married to his daughters mommy. I am glad that he is happy and living the way he wants. But the issue I have is "really Dan." So many years of ignoring your children all of them and you have a second chance to be with them and you are out again. Guess it's a man thing. But of course he is getting up there in age and needs a good Asian woman that will wait on him hand and foot and take care of him in his old age. What do you think the woman, Karen Wolter, that he left behind in Orlando, Florida is thinking? Should I take some glee in her being alone after so many years and her participation in ruining a father and sons relationship......secretly "I AM". Sorry its one of those things. But I guess I will have to say I am glad for him. At least the true Asian woman know how to take care of their men. Unlike me, half American and half Asian. I was brought up in America so I never learned to be that Asian half to well. But now if he would just take care of getting his children the health insurance and dental insurance he promised them that would be nice. One day.......
Another issue I am having is this. I have one person who expressed to me she would like me to stop blogging. Of course it's a family member (at least I consider this person a family member). What I don't get is this. I get feed back from my family constantly, the ones I have issues with. They don't want their lives out there. What is the difference from me writing in this blog to them having Facebook. We know I have issues with my son Gary and his new wife Arielle. We know that I have issues with not being able to speak or see Krystina's pictures. We know that I have issues with my ex husband or Kayti. We know when I am hurting or when I am sad or when I am happy. Is it such a big deal? Really if you think about it if you aren't ashamed of your life you won't have an issue. I am not naming the thievery that happened in the many businesses this family may have committed working for others. Or how one big thievery cost someone else their jobs because it was set up like that. I am not mentioning that one family member turning in another family member maybe to help that family member. I am not mentioning the arson family member's did for another family member. Or the car break in's or the home robberies that were committed, or the forgery's that were committed. Or the armed robberies that was committed by two family members where they were almost sent to prison for (now Gary's was mentioned) but you should see him now, a chef and living his life, away from me, and we still have issues, especially when it comes to how he treats the woman in his life. The drug dealing or drug taking. So really is it such a big deal......LOL.....I guess so. I would stop and delete this whole blog if I was asked personally. By the right person I would stop. But this is life. This is family. Its one of those things that you can take it or leave it. Families have skeletons....some really big skeletons and some things they would like to forget. But doesn't that all just make us who we are? Did we do bad things and come out of it to be better people? I would hope so. Because this family has a lot of skeletons. And not just the young generation but the older to. My mom was no angel. I was no angel. And the generation after me is certainly no angel. Yet we are all working at doing better and that is what makes me smile more then anything, we were bad people but we came out of it. Each of us is finding happiness in our little corner of the world. Do we deserve happiness......HELL YES.....do we fight and disagree.....YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT WE DO....but take the good and the bad and do something with it. Say your "I am sorry's" ..... say "I love you's"..... say "I am not perfect" and get on with it......don't be ashamed or scared.....LIFE IS SHORT.......
So once again I have probably made some family members mad. But yeah being mad is a feeling I have to. I just appreciate that someone is reading the blog I have put out. Its life people and life isn't all full of roses and puppies.......
LOVE TO ALL
So lets begin on some issues. I have a issue right now that my ex husband, Daniel W. Birdsong is in the Philippines and married someone so soon after arriving there. He lived with a woman in Orlando, Florida for many years. She was the one that tried to put a restraining order on my children and tried to take my youngest son from me. Well of course she didn't do it alone. Dan did participate in that. I believe I have blogged about this in the past. But he just recently got a chance to come back in his son's lives and then took off to the Philippines to be with this other woman who gave birth to his daughter many many years ago. Whats funny is he never really looked for his daughter like he gave up being a father to his boys but yet he is forgiven by the boys, and he found his daughter and now is married to his daughters mommy. I am glad that he is happy and living the way he wants. But the issue I have is "really Dan." So many years of ignoring your children all of them and you have a second chance to be with them and you are out again. Guess it's a man thing. But of course he is getting up there in age and needs a good Asian woman that will wait on him hand and foot and take care of him in his old age. What do you think the woman, Karen Wolter, that he left behind in Orlando, Florida is thinking? Should I take some glee in her being alone after so many years and her participation in ruining a father and sons relationship......secretly "I AM". Sorry its one of those things. But I guess I will have to say I am glad for him. At least the true Asian woman know how to take care of their men. Unlike me, half American and half Asian. I was brought up in America so I never learned to be that Asian half to well. But now if he would just take care of getting his children the health insurance and dental insurance he promised them that would be nice. One day.......
Another issue I am having is this. I have one person who expressed to me she would like me to stop blogging. Of course it's a family member (at least I consider this person a family member). What I don't get is this. I get feed back from my family constantly, the ones I have issues with. They don't want their lives out there. What is the difference from me writing in this blog to them having Facebook. We know I have issues with my son Gary and his new wife Arielle. We know that I have issues with not being able to speak or see Krystina's pictures. We know that I have issues with my ex husband or Kayti. We know when I am hurting or when I am sad or when I am happy. Is it such a big deal? Really if you think about it if you aren't ashamed of your life you won't have an issue. I am not naming the thievery that happened in the many businesses this family may have committed working for others. Or how one big thievery cost someone else their jobs because it was set up like that. I am not mentioning that one family member turning in another family member maybe to help that family member. I am not mentioning the arson family member's did for another family member. Or the car break in's or the home robberies that were committed, or the forgery's that were committed. Or the armed robberies that was committed by two family members where they were almost sent to prison for (now Gary's was mentioned) but you should see him now, a chef and living his life, away from me, and we still have issues, especially when it comes to how he treats the woman in his life. The drug dealing or drug taking. So really is it such a big deal......LOL.....I guess so. I would stop and delete this whole blog if I was asked personally. By the right person I would stop. But this is life. This is family. Its one of those things that you can take it or leave it. Families have skeletons....some really big skeletons and some things they would like to forget. But doesn't that all just make us who we are? Did we do bad things and come out of it to be better people? I would hope so. Because this family has a lot of skeletons. And not just the young generation but the older to. My mom was no angel. I was no angel. And the generation after me is certainly no angel. Yet we are all working at doing better and that is what makes me smile more then anything, we were bad people but we came out of it. Each of us is finding happiness in our little corner of the world. Do we deserve happiness......HELL YES.....do we fight and disagree.....YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT WE DO....but take the good and the bad and do something with it. Say your "I am sorry's" ..... say "I love you's"..... say "I am not perfect" and get on with it......don't be ashamed or scared.....LIFE IS SHORT.......
So once again I have probably made some family members mad. But yeah being mad is a feeling I have to. I just appreciate that someone is reading the blog I have put out. Its life people and life isn't all full of roses and puppies.......
LOVE TO ALL
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Krystina Lucille Tessinari
Hi Krystina,
Okay if you are reading this one day you will see a lot of letters to you from me......it's all going to be weird for you because you have to be wondering who is this person that has my name all over the internet. Hell the internet may not be called that by the time you turn of age. It's weird I know but I am just a grandmother trying to leave something of herself for a granddaughter. By now you will know that I am a stupid individual that made a chose in life for someone who wanted my backing one time in their life and I ended up screwing myself.....so that makes me a human grandmother and not a ghost of one.
Patrick came to me tonight and told me your mom got in contact with him. Oh my god how happy I was. Even if the message was not encouraging of us making amends it was something.....it was a thrill to have a response. I have been emailing her forever now and no response so for Patrick to get on after many months was wonderful. He is so honest and sincere. He loves you greatly. But with his brother asking the house to make a choice we did. Boy was it the wrong choice. I am at the full blame though and its up to me to keep writing to you to let you know that it was all on me to choose.
So tonight was good news from your mom.....just for her responding made me happy. Anyway back to you. I have seen some recent pictures and my god you and Zoe are getting big. You look like a great big sister. It's cool to see the pictures. Your mom had her Facebook open to me for searches but all of a sudden she locked me out again. Don't know why, I thought by me getting to see pictures of you through her she was allowing me that much at least. But it was wishful thinking, I guess. Thank you god that my other resources know I just want pictures and gets them to me. Not a lot but some. And its good to see you growing up.
I couldn't give your mom her request through Patrick and that was to stop blogging about her. I told Patrick I would if she would call me personally to ask and give me a chance, then it could happen. But I have a couple of people tell me they get a insight of family from my blogs. Don't figure right. My blogs are readable to the public. It's quite funny to me that I am interesting or my family drama is interesting. Or maybe its you little one that is interesting. I am going to have to stop calling you little I think soon. Because in your pictures you aren't so little anymore are you. Did you know that your family is made up of mischievous people? Will have to explain that in future blogs, how we didn't always color inside the lines. The stories I have about the things we all used to do. Some of it not so nice....some of it quite funny. I guess that's what makes me a treasure, I have all the stories. Good thing I have diaries and I backup everything. It will never be lost to you. You might actually enjoy learning about the family and what we did in our lives. Even this dysfunctional family.
Been working, have a job that I do from the house now. Its great. I work 4 - 10 hour shifts. And been cleaning out your grandmothers house. Selling everything. My brother Dominick is in the process of renting out your great grandmothers house. And I am in charge of having a garage sale every weekend. It's been going on for two months now at my friends house. So when I get off at 7:30 am on the weekends we head over to her house to have the garage sale. You would find that your great grandmother is a pack rat. She loved clothes. A lot of people say, "its vintage". I saved some clothes from Vietnam for you. It's what the young ladies wore in Vietnam. And they were made there and everything when your great grandmother was in her 20's. So its all packed up for you. Just another part of your family history. Been settling some things with your great grandmother. The issues she and I have had in the past. She wasn't a easy woman as many might say about me. Except she never says "I am sorry". That's a big difference. Your father is like that. He hates to say "I am sorry". But your great grandmother and myself have been hashing out our problems. Will have to blog some on these things. I think I have done that. You will just have to read the blogs one day.
Everything is being backed up for you Krystina. And everything is being packed away. Heck I even have pictures your mom left here for me to keep safe. She said she would contact me to get them one day when you both left and that never happened. So they are put away also. Of course I used some of them in my home to display. But I thought its been a while since I posted a letter to you. So I figured I would. I love you. Can you PLEASE HURRY AND GROW UP.......be a good sister and lots of love is sent your way.
Love you always and forever,
Your Grandmother
August 17, 2013
Okay if you are reading this one day you will see a lot of letters to you from me......it's all going to be weird for you because you have to be wondering who is this person that has my name all over the internet. Hell the internet may not be called that by the time you turn of age. It's weird I know but I am just a grandmother trying to leave something of herself for a granddaughter. By now you will know that I am a stupid individual that made a chose in life for someone who wanted my backing one time in their life and I ended up screwing myself.....so that makes me a human grandmother and not a ghost of one.
Patrick came to me tonight and told me your mom got in contact with him. Oh my god how happy I was. Even if the message was not encouraging of us making amends it was something.....it was a thrill to have a response. I have been emailing her forever now and no response so for Patrick to get on after many months was wonderful. He is so honest and sincere. He loves you greatly. But with his brother asking the house to make a choice we did. Boy was it the wrong choice. I am at the full blame though and its up to me to keep writing to you to let you know that it was all on me to choose.
So tonight was good news from your mom.....just for her responding made me happy. Anyway back to you. I have seen some recent pictures and my god you and Zoe are getting big. You look like a great big sister. It's cool to see the pictures. Your mom had her Facebook open to me for searches but all of a sudden she locked me out again. Don't know why, I thought by me getting to see pictures of you through her she was allowing me that much at least. But it was wishful thinking, I guess. Thank you god that my other resources know I just want pictures and gets them to me. Not a lot but some. And its good to see you growing up.
I couldn't give your mom her request through Patrick and that was to stop blogging about her. I told Patrick I would if she would call me personally to ask and give me a chance, then it could happen. But I have a couple of people tell me they get a insight of family from my blogs. Don't figure right. My blogs are readable to the public. It's quite funny to me that I am interesting or my family drama is interesting. Or maybe its you little one that is interesting. I am going to have to stop calling you little I think soon. Because in your pictures you aren't so little anymore are you. Did you know that your family is made up of mischievous people? Will have to explain that in future blogs, how we didn't always color inside the lines. The stories I have about the things we all used to do. Some of it not so nice....some of it quite funny. I guess that's what makes me a treasure, I have all the stories. Good thing I have diaries and I backup everything. It will never be lost to you. You might actually enjoy learning about the family and what we did in our lives. Even this dysfunctional family.
Been working, have a job that I do from the house now. Its great. I work 4 - 10 hour shifts. And been cleaning out your grandmothers house. Selling everything. My brother Dominick is in the process of renting out your great grandmothers house. And I am in charge of having a garage sale every weekend. It's been going on for two months now at my friends house. So when I get off at 7:30 am on the weekends we head over to her house to have the garage sale. You would find that your great grandmother is a pack rat. She loved clothes. A lot of people say, "its vintage". I saved some clothes from Vietnam for you. It's what the young ladies wore in Vietnam. And they were made there and everything when your great grandmother was in her 20's. So its all packed up for you. Just another part of your family history. Been settling some things with your great grandmother. The issues she and I have had in the past. She wasn't a easy woman as many might say about me. Except she never says "I am sorry". That's a big difference. Your father is like that. He hates to say "I am sorry". But your great grandmother and myself have been hashing out our problems. Will have to blog some on these things. I think I have done that. You will just have to read the blogs one day.
Everything is being backed up for you Krystina. And everything is being packed away. Heck I even have pictures your mom left here for me to keep safe. She said she would contact me to get them one day when you both left and that never happened. So they are put away also. Of course I used some of them in my home to display. But I thought its been a while since I posted a letter to you. So I figured I would. I love you. Can you PLEASE HURRY AND GROW UP.......be a good sister and lots of love is sent your way.
Love you always and forever,
Your Grandmother
August 17, 2013
Krystina Lucille Tessinari and Kayti Bostnar Ratigan
3-19-10
Copies of letters are preserved in album for you to see
Grandma and Grandpa,
I love you! I miss you ! I love you the mostest. I won't forget your a part of me I promise. My birthday was so much fum. I went to Chuck E Cheese and was there all day! I got to dance with him and he gave me a crown. I got a computer and I play with it all the time. I learn my ABC's and #'s. I got your letter today, I will put it with my books.
Krystina
***Now grant you that was the last letter I received and some pictures which I still have....that was the package I got with nothing in it for your father. That was the start of your daddy feeling bad and I chose to back out of calling and such so to not be in the middle of this mess. My mistake was that I should have told your daddy to handle it. But I felt so bad. And it was coming down to sticking up for your dad when I always took your mom side for everything. My only comfort for me when she got the two letters I sent one for you and one for her was that I thought your mom would read the letter and say to herself this isn't MyLinh let me call her and talk to her about this. As I would have done for your mom in the past when your daddy and her fought to get her side. Especially when I had such a heart to heart about her leaving and wishing her the best and to find that love that deserves her. I gave her my blessings on going and told her I LOVED HER.....but she never called me and I allowed it to go on. I even thought throwing the money in there she would say "wait a minute she closed out that for me, and owing her" then she would call pissed off about that....then I could explain that it's not me but Gary wanting his mother to be behind him for a time.....It made me angry that she never gave me that chance like I always stood behind her she NEVER CALLED......so I am stuck with choices that I made thinking your mom would say thats not her. So this letter went next to your mom and you.......
Kayti
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PICTURES AND LETTERS FROM KRYSTINA BECAUSE GARY AND YOU WANT TO FIGHT AND WITHHOLD KRYSTINA FROM HIM - WHERE HE IS UNABLE TO TALK TO HIS DAUGHTER - SO HE ENDS UP GIVING UP - BECAUSE THAT IS BASICALLY WHAT YOU AND GARY MADE ME DO IS GIVE UP - I REFUSE TO ALLOW YOU TO PUT ME IN THE MIDDLE - EVER SINCE YOU LEFT I HAVEN'T SEEN A LETTER TO HER FATHER OR PICTURES SENT TO HIM AND NOW YOU ARE SENDING THEM TO ME - VERY UNFAIR AND NASTY - YOU HAVE TURNED INTO A PERSON THAT I DON'T LIKE BY YOUR LYING AND THAT INCLUDES THE MONEY YOU OWE PATRICK AND ME - AND FOR YOU TO USE THESE LETTERS AND PICTURES FROM KRYSTINA TO ME IS NOT RIGHT - YOU LOST THE FAMILY HERE ON YOUR CHOICE AND YOUR PROMISES AND LIES - AND WHAT GARY THINKS IS YOU ALLOWING KRYSTINA TO COME FOR A VISIT I TOLD HIM TO BE PREPARED FOR ANOTHER PROMISE NOT FULFILLED BY YOU BECAUSE YOU AND HIM WANT TO FIGHT AND FIGHT - I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT TO STOP USING KRYSTINA WHEN U KNOW YOU AND GARY MADE YOUR CHOICES TO SEGREGATE THAT LITTLE GIRL FROM FAMILY - YOU DON'T EVEN SEE PATRICK PICKING UP MY PHONE AND CALLING HER BECAUSE OF YOU TWO - SO YOU STOP SENDING ME PICTURES - HER DADDY IS THE ONE THAT SHOULD GET THEM.
mailed on 3-25-2010
Krystina
March 25, 2010
I RECEIVED TWO LETTERS FOR TWO WEEKS FROM YOU AND SOME PICTURES YOU DID IN SCHOOL. BUT KRYSTINA I ONLY RECEIVED THOSE LETTERS BECAUSE YOUR MOM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING AND YOUR MOM IS NOW TRYING TO REEL ME INTO THE MIDDLE. EVER SINCE YOU LEFT I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN A LETTER ADDRESSED TO YOUR DAD FROM YOU...AND NEVER HAVE I SEEN A PICTURE SENT TO HIM FROM YOU. I REFUSE TO BE PUT IN THE MIDDLE KRYSTINA AND START THE PAIN ALL OVER AGAIN. WHEN I SHOWED YOUR FATHER THE FIRST LETTER HE WAS QUITE UPSET ABOUT IT BECAUSE NOTHING WAS INCLUDED IN IT FOR HIM. AND THAT IS WHEN I FOUND OUT HE HADN'T SPOKEN TO YOU IN A WHILE BECAUSE YOUR MOM IS COMING UP WITH EXCUSES. I WILL NOT TAKE YOUR DADS SIDE NEITHER. BUT I KNOW HOW HE FEELS WHEN HE CALLS ON SPARE TIME FROM HIS JOB ONLY TO BE TOLD YOU AREN'T THERE OR YOUR UNABLE TO TALK OR EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE. SO I WROTE TO YOUR MOM TO ASK HER NOT TO SEND ME ANYMORE LETTERS AND SUCH BECAUSE THEY BELONG TO YOUR DADDY AND NOT REALLY ME. SO I AM SORRY, THAT IS MY OPINION AND I HAVE TO STAY OUT OF ALL THE NONSENSE. LOVE YOU TRULY AND DEARLY AND I WAIT TO SEE YOU ONE DAY.
mailed on 3-25-2010
***Well I don't know kinda bad right......but I thought your mom wouldn't accept these letters from me without calling me....when I knew she did and accepted them as gospel that even made me madder at her. WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL AND YELL AT ME AND LET ME EXPLAIN.......she and I always did things for each other behind everyone's back.......and she knows that I would have had a damn good reason......but again my choice and I made a bad one....you daddy and mommy always fought.....constantly......it was horrible.....just like your daddy always fought with Arielle his new wife.......it was nasty on both sides......your mommy or your father can't deny that without lying.....it was a mess.....your mom deserved to find love.....your father needed to grow up some.........and the rest of us were in the middle.......so we made choices......WRONG CHOICES BUT CHOICES.....
now is this a reason to be madder then hell......yes I think so it is......do I deserve to say "I AM SORRY", yes I do......I have always been there for your mommy .... why can't i be allowed to say I am sorry.....why won't your mom give me that chance after all that she has seen me do for her....... does she not remember how many times I backed her up.......does she not remember that I brought her home after her mom kicked her out.....which now I know that wasn't true..... I opened my home and my heart...... I still call her my daughter-in-law.......well my ex daughter - in - law since I am sure Chad would not like me to refer to her like that......I WANT TO SAY I AM SORRY TO YOU KAYTI........i still don't deserve contact with Krystina.......I know that......but I need to do this....... to be allowed to one day to come to your home town and see you both........and if this is what you want a begging then you have it....... I AM BEGGING......
This is me Krystina asking and begging for forgiveness....... I hope one day you will allow me to say I am sorry to you when you grow up..... I wait for you everyday I am breathing and I am a stupid person sometimes......but I want your to know that I am humble in my mistakes that I make.......I always wanted to be a grandma and I have always loved you............but you must learn that people make mistakes and sometimes they can be big ones......just remember to say "I am sorry" and to accept the "I am sorry's" .....I give you complete permission to make a person suffer......its called for because we are humans........we like to see a person suffer for hurting one's feelings.......but suffering is one thing holding back forgiveness is another.......
I love you both.......I have made my share of mistakes......I don't need to have you here living in this state to love......I always wanted you both to be happy....... that was the main goal of you two leaving is to be happy.....you have found that happiness....and I am ecstatic to see you found it..... I love that you have another daughter by a man that I hope treats you like you deserve Kayti......and I am glad to see you in pictures Krystina happy and healthy.......do I want my son to have a relationship with you that is happy and healthy.....not going to deny that......you always deserved more then what Gary dished out...... but thats me ......I won't push it.....no I don't think I would ....... so no worries there.........BUT I LOVE YOU ......AND WANT TO SAY I AM SORRY.....
love always your grandmother.........
August 17, 2013
Copies of letters are preserved in album for you to see
Grandma and Grandpa,
I love you! I miss you ! I love you the mostest. I won't forget your a part of me I promise. My birthday was so much fum. I went to Chuck E Cheese and was there all day! I got to dance with him and he gave me a crown. I got a computer and I play with it all the time. I learn my ABC's and #'s. I got your letter today, I will put it with my books.
Krystina
***Now grant you that was the last letter I received and some pictures which I still have....that was the package I got with nothing in it for your father. That was the start of your daddy feeling bad and I chose to back out of calling and such so to not be in the middle of this mess. My mistake was that I should have told your daddy to handle it. But I felt so bad. And it was coming down to sticking up for your dad when I always took your mom side for everything. My only comfort for me when she got the two letters I sent one for you and one for her was that I thought your mom would read the letter and say to herself this isn't MyLinh let me call her and talk to her about this. As I would have done for your mom in the past when your daddy and her fought to get her side. Especially when I had such a heart to heart about her leaving and wishing her the best and to find that love that deserves her. I gave her my blessings on going and told her I LOVED HER.....but she never called me and I allowed it to go on. I even thought throwing the money in there she would say "wait a minute she closed out that for me, and owing her" then she would call pissed off about that....then I could explain that it's not me but Gary wanting his mother to be behind him for a time.....It made me angry that she never gave me that chance like I always stood behind her she NEVER CALLED......so I am stuck with choices that I made thinking your mom would say thats not her. So this letter went next to your mom and you.......
Kayti
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PICTURES AND LETTERS FROM KRYSTINA BECAUSE GARY AND YOU WANT TO FIGHT AND WITHHOLD KRYSTINA FROM HIM - WHERE HE IS UNABLE TO TALK TO HIS DAUGHTER - SO HE ENDS UP GIVING UP - BECAUSE THAT IS BASICALLY WHAT YOU AND GARY MADE ME DO IS GIVE UP - I REFUSE TO ALLOW YOU TO PUT ME IN THE MIDDLE - EVER SINCE YOU LEFT I HAVEN'T SEEN A LETTER TO HER FATHER OR PICTURES SENT TO HIM AND NOW YOU ARE SENDING THEM TO ME - VERY UNFAIR AND NASTY - YOU HAVE TURNED INTO A PERSON THAT I DON'T LIKE BY YOUR LYING AND THAT INCLUDES THE MONEY YOU OWE PATRICK AND ME - AND FOR YOU TO USE THESE LETTERS AND PICTURES FROM KRYSTINA TO ME IS NOT RIGHT - YOU LOST THE FAMILY HERE ON YOUR CHOICE AND YOUR PROMISES AND LIES - AND WHAT GARY THINKS IS YOU ALLOWING KRYSTINA TO COME FOR A VISIT I TOLD HIM TO BE PREPARED FOR ANOTHER PROMISE NOT FULFILLED BY YOU BECAUSE YOU AND HIM WANT TO FIGHT AND FIGHT - I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT TO STOP USING KRYSTINA WHEN U KNOW YOU AND GARY MADE YOUR CHOICES TO SEGREGATE THAT LITTLE GIRL FROM FAMILY - YOU DON'T EVEN SEE PATRICK PICKING UP MY PHONE AND CALLING HER BECAUSE OF YOU TWO - SO YOU STOP SENDING ME PICTURES - HER DADDY IS THE ONE THAT SHOULD GET THEM.
mailed on 3-25-2010
Krystina
March 25, 2010
I RECEIVED TWO LETTERS FOR TWO WEEKS FROM YOU AND SOME PICTURES YOU DID IN SCHOOL. BUT KRYSTINA I ONLY RECEIVED THOSE LETTERS BECAUSE YOUR MOM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING AND YOUR MOM IS NOW TRYING TO REEL ME INTO THE MIDDLE. EVER SINCE YOU LEFT I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN A LETTER ADDRESSED TO YOUR DAD FROM YOU...AND NEVER HAVE I SEEN A PICTURE SENT TO HIM FROM YOU. I REFUSE TO BE PUT IN THE MIDDLE KRYSTINA AND START THE PAIN ALL OVER AGAIN. WHEN I SHOWED YOUR FATHER THE FIRST LETTER HE WAS QUITE UPSET ABOUT IT BECAUSE NOTHING WAS INCLUDED IN IT FOR HIM. AND THAT IS WHEN I FOUND OUT HE HADN'T SPOKEN TO YOU IN A WHILE BECAUSE YOUR MOM IS COMING UP WITH EXCUSES. I WILL NOT TAKE YOUR DADS SIDE NEITHER. BUT I KNOW HOW HE FEELS WHEN HE CALLS ON SPARE TIME FROM HIS JOB ONLY TO BE TOLD YOU AREN'T THERE OR YOUR UNABLE TO TALK OR EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE. SO I WROTE TO YOUR MOM TO ASK HER NOT TO SEND ME ANYMORE LETTERS AND SUCH BECAUSE THEY BELONG TO YOUR DADDY AND NOT REALLY ME. SO I AM SORRY, THAT IS MY OPINION AND I HAVE TO STAY OUT OF ALL THE NONSENSE. LOVE YOU TRULY AND DEARLY AND I WAIT TO SEE YOU ONE DAY.
mailed on 3-25-2010
***Well I don't know kinda bad right......but I thought your mom wouldn't accept these letters from me without calling me....when I knew she did and accepted them as gospel that even made me madder at her. WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL AND YELL AT ME AND LET ME EXPLAIN.......she and I always did things for each other behind everyone's back.......and she knows that I would have had a damn good reason......but again my choice and I made a bad one....you daddy and mommy always fought.....constantly......it was horrible.....just like your daddy always fought with Arielle his new wife.......it was nasty on both sides......your mommy or your father can't deny that without lying.....it was a mess.....your mom deserved to find love.....your father needed to grow up some.........and the rest of us were in the middle.......so we made choices......WRONG CHOICES BUT CHOICES.....
now is this a reason to be madder then hell......yes I think so it is......do I deserve to say "I AM SORRY", yes I do......I have always been there for your mommy .... why can't i be allowed to say I am sorry.....why won't your mom give me that chance after all that she has seen me do for her....... does she not remember how many times I backed her up.......does she not remember that I brought her home after her mom kicked her out.....which now I know that wasn't true..... I opened my home and my heart...... I still call her my daughter-in-law.......well my ex daughter - in - law since I am sure Chad would not like me to refer to her like that......I WANT TO SAY I AM SORRY TO YOU KAYTI........i still don't deserve contact with Krystina.......I know that......but I need to do this....... to be allowed to one day to come to your home town and see you both........and if this is what you want a begging then you have it....... I AM BEGGING......
This is me Krystina asking and begging for forgiveness....... I hope one day you will allow me to say I am sorry to you when you grow up..... I wait for you everyday I am breathing and I am a stupid person sometimes......but I want your to know that I am humble in my mistakes that I make.......I always wanted to be a grandma and I have always loved you............but you must learn that people make mistakes and sometimes they can be big ones......just remember to say "I am sorry" and to accept the "I am sorry's" .....I give you complete permission to make a person suffer......its called for because we are humans........we like to see a person suffer for hurting one's feelings.......but suffering is one thing holding back forgiveness is another.......
I love you both.......I have made my share of mistakes......I don't need to have you here living in this state to love......I always wanted you both to be happy....... that was the main goal of you two leaving is to be happy.....you have found that happiness....and I am ecstatic to see you found it..... I love that you have another daughter by a man that I hope treats you like you deserve Kayti......and I am glad to see you in pictures Krystina happy and healthy.......do I want my son to have a relationship with you that is happy and healthy.....not going to deny that......you always deserved more then what Gary dished out...... but thats me ......I won't push it.....no I don't think I would ....... so no worries there.........BUT I LOVE YOU ......AND WANT TO SAY I AM SORRY.....
love always your grandmother.........
August 17, 2013
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