Krystina Lucille Tessinari

Dearest Krystina, 

 I am not a woman who uses "eloquent" words (heck I had to look this word up because I didn't know how spell it) but I am a woman that loves to write. I have passion and I have "some" knowledge. Not a whole heck of a lot but some. I love to the point that it hurts when you even have the slightest disappointment from the one you love. I love you and I have loved your mom, still do. I have forgiven many things in my life and I even forgive her for taking a choice I made and holding it so securely in her heart that she isn't giving me another chance. 

 But I am also angry tonight. I am writing this and deleting it and so on and so on. Yet I have to admit I am pissed and I am sad. I have been writing a dear friend that I ended up finding and she is in prison. She made a mistake and took a life. Not out of meanness or spite but she took a life by driving while high on pills, taking a life is serious no matter what the circumstances are. Saying that I am not excusing her from her actions. A terrible mistake for such a young person. Her release date isn't till 2020 and she will have served her time. But she is trying to get clemency and an early release date. So basically she is asking for forgiveness and time served. Forgiveness such a simple word. All it takes for us out here is to say, "I am sorry." And you hope that forgiveness is given. Sara has to write a letter and ask for forgiveness and hope someone actually reads it and takes her asking into consideration. 

 Why am I writing this to you? Well I was told that you do have a choice when you are 18 to contact us or not. I wonder if and when you are 18 are you going to realize that you may be the one to say you are forgiven. Are you going to listen to your dads story and my story and say, "Wow you are all messed up but I forgive you and want a relationship no matter what and lets move on from here." You should never have to be asked to forgive your father for what his part was in the terrible ways he treated your mom. You are going to have questions and your dad told me he plans on being truthful and I do expect him to be truthful in his actions, and in doing so he will show that he has so many regrets and such. And then you are or may have questions for me and what happened in my own choices that took me out of your life. I will be truthful to you and hope that you see that we are humans that make mistakes in life and still want a relationship. But you never know you may decide that you don't care and just don't come around. Yet if you are anything like this side of the family the questions will be on your mind and you won't stop till you find the answers. I am always one to do that. I think I mentioned that my biological father was a mystery for me and it took me ten years to find him but I did and even though he didn't want to see me personally, I ended up with two wonderful aunts and a uncle and a step sister and her family. It just extended the family and I wouldn't have traded that for the world. The end result was more family. 

I don't know why I am writing this to you maybe because I see a young lady who made the worst mistake in her life by taking a life and even though I do agree that the punishment is part of the consequences of taking a life, I still think she deserves a chance in life also and want to help in anything that I can do for her. I just can't say "no" and turn my back on her as I hope you don't turn your back on this side of the family. I guess another lesson can be learned that if you take drugs what may happen if you make that decision. It's a horrible way to waste years by doing drugs, I did drugs and wasted I say about two years of my life when I was young. I have to always thank god that I didn't end up dead or in prison myself. I could have made choices that put me in prison or dead. And sometimes I wonder how I escaped that at all. So think before you make that decision in life. Because even though people love you and watch over you the decision would be yours in the end. We aren't perfect human beings and anyone that thinks they don't have demons from their past to be sorry about they are lying and not telling you the truth. We all have done something we wish to take back. But people can change and I do see that everyday in my life.  

I love you Krystina more then my stupid little letters and more then anything. I can't put the pretty words in letters sometimes because that just wouldn't be me. I have something I want to say and I do. I can fly by the seat of my pants or I think out my decisions on the things I say. Either way sometimes I have regrets on what comes out of my mouth and sometimes I don't. It's just me. No one can say everything that comes out of their mouths is perfect neither. But I can look at the other person's point of view to and say okay I get it. 

 So stay sweet and be good and tell yourself that you are special in so many more ways then I can say. Love the ones around you and look at the stars which should be plentiful in South Dakota and know it's an awful big world out there and there are people that love you so very much. I want to say this so much and I am afraid to because I may get unwanted attention to someone in your life. But hell has that ever stopped me before. I recently looked up your cousins dad and saw the most wonderful picture of him and his boys and I think his daughter and I LOVED that picture and shows me that your Aunt Nikki is allowing Jonathan to see the boys. I think I love your Aunt Nikki more and more seeing that picture. She is a good Aunt, Krystina,  and a very kind person. I never really knew her much, but she has always been referred to as the "bad twin" but do you know I actually think that she has a heart of gold. I try to keep up with the story about the horrible tragedy in Jonathan's life and his family and ran across the picture of him and the boys and my heart filled up with knowing Nikki never cut the strings on Jonathan from those boys. Unless she has and I don't know but that picture makes me close my eyes and imagine a picture with you and your father and of us your other grandparents and even your two Uncle's, and I can't wait. So I just want you to know I await the opportunity to someday get a chance to take that picture and to love you. 

Your Grandmother always