Hi Krystina
Well its your birthday again....another year has gone by. I have been so
busy little one. Your great grandmother (my mother) had a stroke in
February. And she is in a rehabilitation center. She can't move her left
side. So she has to learn how to walk. I didn't see her in the beginning
because of course your grandmother and I wasn't talking. But I have begun
to see her. She is doing as well as can be expected. And her birthday
just passed on March 15th. But that is your great grandmother. I wish
you can see her again. But she may come out of this and she may not. We
will have to wait and see. Yet it is your birthday and you are so much on
my mind. I wonder with this happening to my mother if it happened to me
would I get to see you again one last time. Maybe and maybe not.
You were born on Saint Patrick's Day. So you were born with luck on your
side. Thats what I like to say. Gave up smoking Cigs. After 20 or more
years I don't smoke cigs. I am so proud of myself. I have again started
to go to church and studying the bible. And I have your grandfather in
studies to. Still haven't spoken with your father and don't really know
when that might change. Not in a hurry to do that. I know you have a
sister and I am so hoping you are enjoying the role of being a big sister.
I am sure you are being the best big sister. I enjoy the pics I do get
to see of you. It makes me sad but its something. You are growing up so
quickly I just wish you would hurry and do so. Because maybe you will
find me or your mom will bring you for a visit. The bigger you get the
more of a chance I will get to see you again.
Well another year passed and I will put in my standard deposit for your
birthday. I love you dear child. Grow up soon and hopefully we will see
each other again.
Love always,
Grandma
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Dysfunctional Story.....My Family memories
There are many many shattered families out there. And I am part of one.
I am part of a big group that shares DNA but really nothing else but
that. We don't get together for the holidays or birthdays not because we
live so far away from each other. It's not because we don't love each
other (i am hopping that's not the case), its because we can't be around
each other. A therapist would have a field day with this family. They
would be rich beyond their dreams getting my family on the couch.
I guess my sentimental and memories are washing over me because my mom is
in the hospital and she had a mild stroke. We haven't been speaking but
that's nothing new in our relationship. If I don't please her in my
appearance or don't tell her what she wants to hear then she gets angry
and tells me to never come back. The last time she did that I walked away
knowing I would not walk back into her life without a fight. Because it
was always me that bent to her wishes no matter what and I became the
daughter always wanting her mothers love. After that last fight I didn't
want to be that weak person anymore. And it's been fine. It still is fine
with me. Besides getting beat up physically I was always beat up
emotionally too. Always trying to please and getting kicked around for
that. The more I tried the more I got socked in the face.
My memories go to beatings from my father and my mom never stopping him.
2x4's were used, belts were used, and slaps with my fathers huge hands
were used. Maybe not 2x4's but being a little girl that wood looked big
to me. There was something about me that didn't fit. My grandmother saw
it. I remember hearing her telling someone that she didn't understand why
her son and wife were the hardest on me. I remember her protecting me by
hiding be behind her so my father couldn't reach me for punishment. I
loved my grandmother she was my protector. When she would leave I knew
that the punishment would be hard and fast because she wasn't around to
protect me. Somehow memories of my Cousin Laurie is in my mind to as my
protector. It's like when she was around she voiced her opinion about dad
or mom being nicer to me. Till she left too. But I remember my dad
telling me I would never be like her. He wouldn't allow it. Just a mess.
I don't seem to have good memories of love in my household at all. Only
when my grandmother or cousin was around I felt protected.
I remember the Bochecchio family. How we went over to their home. So
full of love. Toys and love and how I envied Robbie and Valerie. I
wanted to be a part of their family so badly. Angie and Bob their parents
were always loving with hugs and kisses and I loved their lives. Maybe
stuff happened behind closed doors there also. But in my child's eyes I
saw love. And I never wanted to leave. But the minute we left how was I
the one always in trouble. How is it that something I did or said got me
in trouble. Never understood it. Never wanted to leave when it was time
because I knew I was always in trouble. What did I do? I could never
remember how not picking up a toy or saying I wanted to stay was not
allowed. How did that get me a beating or the silent treatment or a
lecture.
When my grandmother died I remember that day. I was in Florida, in the
family room at the house in Tealwood Cove. I heard the news and the
scream that came from the bottom of my soul was an inhuman sound. I
remember not having anyone come and comfort me. I knew my protector was
gone. I knew that the last thing she said to me was my only comfort. She
said, "I love you." That was when I saw her last on the last trip to
Florida and then its like I blinked and she was gone forever. So simple
but the most heartfelt. No more grandmother. No more cousin because she
was in New York. No more protection.
So now dad is leaving. Now my mom is stepping up not as a mother. But
lots and lots of anger. Beatings, humiliation, and never love. Met a
family. They took the place of my protectors. Don't even know why? The
Dowlings. I don't know what they saw. I don't know if in my mind if I
just felt protected when they were around. I liked them. I liked being
in their presence. But then we moved.
I remember a sister, Christine, I remember her face cringes when my mother
was in a rage about me. It's like she had my grandmother's spirit in her
trying to deflect my mothers rage toward me by being that perfect girl my
mother wanted so badly that she would leave me alone. Something shattered
in me the day she dies. The other half of my soul. My grandmothers death
took half and my sister took the other half from me. That was the time my
mother told me that she should have drowned me at birth. Because her
perfect daughter was gone and it was my fault. So that is my fault and my
burden that it wasn't me. Only one time I remember Christine being
spanked and I say spanked because it wasn't one of my beatings but spanked
and Christine ran to hide and I sat next to her saying that I would always
protect her if it ever got worse but I would always take the worst from
her. She hugged me and smiled and we went outside. I can honestly say
that I lived with that knowledge for the longest time that if it was me
everyone may have been happier. I feel right now a twinge of that guilt
but I don't think honestly that my mother has ever gotten over being left
me when Christine was gone. A lot more words were said, and a lot more
anger but to put it done right now would make me so very sad and I would
have to bring the honesty up front that I still absolutely feel like I was
a wasted life when my sister might have and could have made my mom a
loving person instead of having me as a reminder that she was left me.
Now Pembrook Drive house. A house of horrors for me. Not only was I
being beaten and humiliated in the house. I was being bullied outside the
house too. Joseph and Dominick were like the golden children, oh they had
their shares of trouble when it came to mom. But I was the scapegoat more
often then not. Not their faults. It was me. That's how I grew up.
Never pretty enough. Never good enough. Never loved enough. I was never
taught about hygiene, I was never talked to about boys, I was thrown into
the garage to live for a couple of months. Beaten because a dirty dish
was left in the sink, woken up in the middle of the night and having
knives thrown at me.The boys were told to beat me. Not with just a belt
but the buckle of a belt. I remember my mom telling me I was ugly
constantly. That I had freckles because I never washed my face. I
remember wanting to die. I remember all the kids making fum of me. How
they called me "flat face" or "Chinese chipmunk". I was Vietnamese and
stupid and ugly. So my mom was right. Others saw it, I remember the
beatings I took from classmates. I don't ever ever remember my mom
sticking up for me. Going down to the school and telling them off. I
remember her saying that's life and you have to live with it.
I remember being rapped by one of the men in my mothers life. I didn't
know it then. But right now at this moment I know she sent that man to
me, to pick me up in a van to take away my virginity and to drop me back
off humiliated. I remember going on my annual summer visit to NY and
thinking I was pregnant the whole summer, I had no one to ask about that.
Can I prove it. No. Can I sit here and say in this one paragraph I know
its true. NO! But its my feelings. This one paragraph is my truth.
Because after this happened she always accused me of sleeping with one of
her boyfriends. And that wasn't right. Because her boyfriends never
talked to me never came near me. Never made me feel sexually wanted. But
she always accused me of sleeping with them.
So I tried killing myself. Hell couldn't even do that right. My mom told
me do it right if your going to do it. Then she slapped me. So I tried 7
or more times. And that disappointed my mom the most. At this time my
sister was gone. My life was a nightmare that I couldn't get out of. So
off to my father I go. Then wonderful new world of California.
Life in California with my dad. Something can be said for freedom. My
father wasn't hitting me anymore he just had a indifference toward me. I
thought he was just being easy on me. Giving me freedom and being quiet
about it. He put me in therapy and I didn't say a word in those therapy
sessions. I was frightened to put my truths out there for someone else to
judge that it was all me. But my father didn't acknowledge anything from
my upbringing to me neither. So lets keep silent and quiet and just be a
good daughter. I took his car for joyrides, he caught me but didn't beat
me for it. I got a ticket for jaywalking and he stuck up for me. I grew
unafraid of my dad. I grew to love him in my silent ways. He met someone
he loved, so he left me alone a lot. Fine with me I was finding my own
way. I was finding love. I wanted my boyfriends love. I found myself
and I didn't. Does that make sense? I have one memory that frightened me
some but I still have to put that in perspective to bring that forward.
Maybe I was imagining things wanting to see the worst on that memory. But
that one memory made me feel very uncomfortable and that is the only
memory I question. But stupid me was still unsettled. We moved in with
Kathy and her daughter. Elena had the friends, had the mother who loved
her. I knew Kathy liked me. I stayed quiet. I didn't cause any trouble.
She was kind to me. But living together with a family that gave me
freedom and didn't beat me maybe I was good enough to go back home now to
my own mother and get her love. I longed to be back with my mom. Like
Elena had her own mom. Stupid me. Stupid stupid stupid. What might have
I done if I stayed put. I went right back into my nightmare except now I
was to big to be beaten. But I still was so open to it emotionally.
That's it for right now. So much more to bring forth. But I don't know
when this will continue but right now I need to think and rest my head.
When the memories come they come in spurts. Right now they are coming to
fast for me to handle. And this is it for tonight.
MyLinh
I am part of a big group that shares DNA but really nothing else but
that. We don't get together for the holidays or birthdays not because we
live so far away from each other. It's not because we don't love each
other (i am hopping that's not the case), its because we can't be around
each other. A therapist would have a field day with this family. They
would be rich beyond their dreams getting my family on the couch.
I guess my sentimental and memories are washing over me because my mom is
in the hospital and she had a mild stroke. We haven't been speaking but
that's nothing new in our relationship. If I don't please her in my
appearance or don't tell her what she wants to hear then she gets angry
and tells me to never come back. The last time she did that I walked away
knowing I would not walk back into her life without a fight. Because it
was always me that bent to her wishes no matter what and I became the
daughter always wanting her mothers love. After that last fight I didn't
want to be that weak person anymore. And it's been fine. It still is fine
with me. Besides getting beat up physically I was always beat up
emotionally too. Always trying to please and getting kicked around for
that. The more I tried the more I got socked in the face.
My memories go to beatings from my father and my mom never stopping him.
2x4's were used, belts were used, and slaps with my fathers huge hands
were used. Maybe not 2x4's but being a little girl that wood looked big
to me. There was something about me that didn't fit. My grandmother saw
it. I remember hearing her telling someone that she didn't understand why
her son and wife were the hardest on me. I remember her protecting me by
hiding be behind her so my father couldn't reach me for punishment. I
loved my grandmother she was my protector. When she would leave I knew
that the punishment would be hard and fast because she wasn't around to
protect me. Somehow memories of my Cousin Laurie is in my mind to as my
protector. It's like when she was around she voiced her opinion about dad
or mom being nicer to me. Till she left too. But I remember my dad
telling me I would never be like her. He wouldn't allow it. Just a mess.
I don't seem to have good memories of love in my household at all. Only
when my grandmother or cousin was around I felt protected.
I remember the Bochecchio family. How we went over to their home. So
full of love. Toys and love and how I envied Robbie and Valerie. I
wanted to be a part of their family so badly. Angie and Bob their parents
were always loving with hugs and kisses and I loved their lives. Maybe
stuff happened behind closed doors there also. But in my child's eyes I
saw love. And I never wanted to leave. But the minute we left how was I
the one always in trouble. How is it that something I did or said got me
in trouble. Never understood it. Never wanted to leave when it was time
because I knew I was always in trouble. What did I do? I could never
remember how not picking up a toy or saying I wanted to stay was not
allowed. How did that get me a beating or the silent treatment or a
lecture.
When my grandmother died I remember that day. I was in Florida, in the
family room at the house in Tealwood Cove. I heard the news and the
scream that came from the bottom of my soul was an inhuman sound. I
remember not having anyone come and comfort me. I knew my protector was
gone. I knew that the last thing she said to me was my only comfort. She
said, "I love you." That was when I saw her last on the last trip to
Florida and then its like I blinked and she was gone forever. So simple
but the most heartfelt. No more grandmother. No more cousin because she
was in New York. No more protection.
So now dad is leaving. Now my mom is stepping up not as a mother. But
lots and lots of anger. Beatings, humiliation, and never love. Met a
family. They took the place of my protectors. Don't even know why? The
Dowlings. I don't know what they saw. I don't know if in my mind if I
just felt protected when they were around. I liked them. I liked being
in their presence. But then we moved.
I remember a sister, Christine, I remember her face cringes when my mother
was in a rage about me. It's like she had my grandmother's spirit in her
trying to deflect my mothers rage toward me by being that perfect girl my
mother wanted so badly that she would leave me alone. Something shattered
in me the day she dies. The other half of my soul. My grandmothers death
took half and my sister took the other half from me. That was the time my
mother told me that she should have drowned me at birth. Because her
perfect daughter was gone and it was my fault. So that is my fault and my
burden that it wasn't me. Only one time I remember Christine being
spanked and I say spanked because it wasn't one of my beatings but spanked
and Christine ran to hide and I sat next to her saying that I would always
protect her if it ever got worse but I would always take the worst from
her. She hugged me and smiled and we went outside. I can honestly say
that I lived with that knowledge for the longest time that if it was me
everyone may have been happier. I feel right now a twinge of that guilt
but I don't think honestly that my mother has ever gotten over being left
me when Christine was gone. A lot more words were said, and a lot more
anger but to put it done right now would make me so very sad and I would
have to bring the honesty up front that I still absolutely feel like I was
a wasted life when my sister might have and could have made my mom a
loving person instead of having me as a reminder that she was left me.
Now Pembrook Drive house. A house of horrors for me. Not only was I
being beaten and humiliated in the house. I was being bullied outside the
house too. Joseph and Dominick were like the golden children, oh they had
their shares of trouble when it came to mom. But I was the scapegoat more
often then not. Not their faults. It was me. That's how I grew up.
Never pretty enough. Never good enough. Never loved enough. I was never
taught about hygiene, I was never talked to about boys, I was thrown into
the garage to live for a couple of months. Beaten because a dirty dish
was left in the sink, woken up in the middle of the night and having
knives thrown at me.The boys were told to beat me. Not with just a belt
but the buckle of a belt. I remember my mom telling me I was ugly
constantly. That I had freckles because I never washed my face. I
remember wanting to die. I remember all the kids making fum of me. How
they called me "flat face" or "Chinese chipmunk". I was Vietnamese and
stupid and ugly. So my mom was right. Others saw it, I remember the
beatings I took from classmates. I don't ever ever remember my mom
sticking up for me. Going down to the school and telling them off. I
remember her saying that's life and you have to live with it.
I remember being rapped by one of the men in my mothers life. I didn't
know it then. But right now at this moment I know she sent that man to
me, to pick me up in a van to take away my virginity and to drop me back
off humiliated. I remember going on my annual summer visit to NY and
thinking I was pregnant the whole summer, I had no one to ask about that.
Can I prove it. No. Can I sit here and say in this one paragraph I know
its true. NO! But its my feelings. This one paragraph is my truth.
Because after this happened she always accused me of sleeping with one of
her boyfriends. And that wasn't right. Because her boyfriends never
talked to me never came near me. Never made me feel sexually wanted. But
she always accused me of sleeping with them.
So I tried killing myself. Hell couldn't even do that right. My mom told
me do it right if your going to do it. Then she slapped me. So I tried 7
or more times. And that disappointed my mom the most. At this time my
sister was gone. My life was a nightmare that I couldn't get out of. So
off to my father I go. Then wonderful new world of California.
Life in California with my dad. Something can be said for freedom. My
father wasn't hitting me anymore he just had a indifference toward me. I
thought he was just being easy on me. Giving me freedom and being quiet
about it. He put me in therapy and I didn't say a word in those therapy
sessions. I was frightened to put my truths out there for someone else to
judge that it was all me. But my father didn't acknowledge anything from
my upbringing to me neither. So lets keep silent and quiet and just be a
good daughter. I took his car for joyrides, he caught me but didn't beat
me for it. I got a ticket for jaywalking and he stuck up for me. I grew
unafraid of my dad. I grew to love him in my silent ways. He met someone
he loved, so he left me alone a lot. Fine with me I was finding my own
way. I was finding love. I wanted my boyfriends love. I found myself
and I didn't. Does that make sense? I have one memory that frightened me
some but I still have to put that in perspective to bring that forward.
Maybe I was imagining things wanting to see the worst on that memory. But
that one memory made me feel very uncomfortable and that is the only
memory I question. But stupid me was still unsettled. We moved in with
Kathy and her daughter. Elena had the friends, had the mother who loved
her. I knew Kathy liked me. I stayed quiet. I didn't cause any trouble.
She was kind to me. But living together with a family that gave me
freedom and didn't beat me maybe I was good enough to go back home now to
my own mother and get her love. I longed to be back with my mom. Like
Elena had her own mom. Stupid me. Stupid stupid stupid. What might have
I done if I stayed put. I went right back into my nightmare except now I
was to big to be beaten. But I still was so open to it emotionally.
That's it for right now. So much more to bring forth. But I don't know
when this will continue but right now I need to think and rest my head.
When the memories come they come in spurts. Right now they are coming to
fast for me to handle. And this is it for tonight.
MyLinh
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Krystina L. Tessinari - Big Sister
Dearest Krystina,
Congratulations big sister Krystina. How beautiful your sister is. Not as beautiful as you but I am prejudice when it comes to you. And I always will be. But another girl for your mommy. Going to hate it for Chad when you girls grow up. A house full of girls. You look beautiful Krystina. All of you look so happy. Exactly what I wanted for your mom to find. Happiness without the drama.
I don't have a computer so my notes to you have been going into your book or my diaries. But again I am thrilled to have the opportunity to see pics of you and your family. Perfect pictures. You holding your sister and the family your mom has found. I am sorry for not knowing your sisters name. Haven't found that out yet. But she is cute, and a girl, how special.
Life is quiet for me. Quite enjoyable for me I have to say. I have
people that love me. I find that with reflection that I always supported but never really got support from certain people. So I don't allow myself to be surronded by takers. I have givers as I give to them. They encourage me as I encourage them. We celebrate together when good happens and cry when bad happens. But they don't just take from me and not give back to me..Through that I know I am loved.
Grandpa Lonnie had a surprise a few months ago. The son that was taken from him found him. And he contacted Lonnie. Your grandfather is not overly emotional like me. But he cried, all the years not being able to love someone and that person finds you. That is a gift of the times. Facebook, blogs, etc. But sit back and look at what you miss. I have to say that those little pictures are the greatest source of happiness and the saddest to me. Years going by....but I have pictures and thats what I wanted the most to see you. Anyway Lonnie has his son and his son has a daughter about your age. What fun if they lived here in Florida but they live in Oklahoma. What is very difficult for me though is that all these
people have girls that are around me and I can't get close to any of them because I feel disloyal to you. So that is on me once again. I have the love to give I just won't do it. It will probably open up to one of these little girls one day....I just won't do it at the moment.
The hardest part is someone to ask about my family and I tell them I have a grand daughter. Then I cry...can't seem to talk about you and not shed a tear. But the day will come that I can love you properly. You slowed me down some Krystina. I absolutely loved being a grandmother. I was made to be a grandmother. I will be again one day, but it will be awhile.
Well you are now a "Big Sister", how happy I am for you. Beautiful picture of all of you. Stay sweet, stay beautiful. Always know there is still a family out here that loves you. And I cry over the past lost. But I will always pray for a future.
Love you always,
Grandma
1/30/2013
Congratulations big sister Krystina. How beautiful your sister is. Not as beautiful as you but I am prejudice when it comes to you. And I always will be. But another girl for your mommy. Going to hate it for Chad when you girls grow up. A house full of girls. You look beautiful Krystina. All of you look so happy. Exactly what I wanted for your mom to find. Happiness without the drama.
I don't have a computer so my notes to you have been going into your book or my diaries. But again I am thrilled to have the opportunity to see pics of you and your family. Perfect pictures. You holding your sister and the family your mom has found. I am sorry for not knowing your sisters name. Haven't found that out yet. But she is cute, and a girl, how special.
Life is quiet for me. Quite enjoyable for me I have to say. I have
people that love me. I find that with reflection that I always supported but never really got support from certain people. So I don't allow myself to be surronded by takers. I have givers as I give to them. They encourage me as I encourage them. We celebrate together when good happens and cry when bad happens. But they don't just take from me and not give back to me..Through that I know I am loved.
 |
| 2012 - Krystina and new Sister |
 |
| Krystina, Kayti, and Chadwick |
people have girls that are around me and I can't get close to any of them because I feel disloyal to you. So that is on me once again. I have the love to give I just won't do it. It will probably open up to one of these little girls one day....I just won't do it at the moment.
The hardest part is someone to ask about my family and I tell them I have a grand daughter. Then I cry...can't seem to talk about you and not shed a tear. But the day will come that I can love you properly. You slowed me down some Krystina. I absolutely loved being a grandmother. I was made to be a grandmother. I will be again one day, but it will be awhile.
Well you are now a "Big Sister", how happy I am for you. Beautiful picture of all of you. Stay sweet, stay beautiful. Always know there is still a family out here that loves you. And I cry over the past lost. But I will always pray for a future.
Love you always,
Grandma
1/30/2013
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Finding One Another
Can you believe long enough for something to happen? Or do you give up believing? I always believe my granddaughter Krystina Lucille Tessinari will come looking for family one day. And I have faith that it will happen. But when the days turn into months, the months turn into years, and so on and so on you still have to keep the faith.
Something happened this weekend that makes me keep on hoping. I am married to Lonnie McDonald. Been married for 10 years this last October. I have always known about this son that Lonnie had with his 1st wife. But right now today I won't go into what was said or done except to say Lonnie lost all contact with this woman and his child. Well yesterday on November 18, 2012 my oldest child calls Lonnie to tell him Travis got a hold of him to get a hold of Lonnie. And Lonnie and Travis spoke for the 1st time in 20 years. Travis is now 23 years old, married and has a 3 year old child.
Never have I ever seen Lonnie cry and get that emotional. His prayers have finally been answered. And my husband deserves it. We knew with the technology age Travis would reconnect when he was ready or found the info that was needed to find Lonnie. I spoke with Travis myself and that young man was thrilled. I am happy for the both of them. Travis and Lonnie back together again. Way to go to the both of them.
Talking to Lonnie I know Travis might be mad at his mom. But the past must stay in the past. Nothing can be done for the people that separated them. Peace and forgiveness!!! Its important to move on. So yesterday is a new start for my husbands life with his son he has longed for and loved.....
Something happened this weekend that makes me keep on hoping. I am married to Lonnie McDonald. Been married for 10 years this last October. I have always known about this son that Lonnie had with his 1st wife. But right now today I won't go into what was said or done except to say Lonnie lost all contact with this woman and his child. Well yesterday on November 18, 2012 my oldest child calls Lonnie to tell him Travis got a hold of him to get a hold of Lonnie. And Lonnie and Travis spoke for the 1st time in 20 years. Travis is now 23 years old, married and has a 3 year old child.
Never have I ever seen Lonnie cry and get that emotional. His prayers have finally been answered. And my husband deserves it. We knew with the technology age Travis would reconnect when he was ready or found the info that was needed to find Lonnie. I spoke with Travis myself and that young man was thrilled. I am happy for the both of them. Travis and Lonnie back together again. Way to go to the both of them.
Talking to Lonnie I know Travis might be mad at his mom. But the past must stay in the past. Nothing can be done for the people that separated them. Peace and forgiveness!!! Its important to move on. So yesterday is a new start for my husbands life with his son he has longed for and loved.....
Friday, September 14, 2012
Krystina Lucille Tessinari
hello Krystina,
real short note tonight because my laptop has gone to computer heaven and patrick is allowing me to be on his for the moment.....just wanted to say hello and I hope you are doing well. I think about you often and I know you are happy and loving life right now with your new life your mom and Chad are making for you.....just stay sweet and know I love you.....
Love always and forever always
Grandma
PS- for some reason I feel like your mom and Chad are loving life right now and you are totally happy and I love that feeling....stay sweet little one.....
September 13, 2012
real short note tonight because my laptop has gone to computer heaven and patrick is allowing me to be on his for the moment.....just wanted to say hello and I hope you are doing well. I think about you often and I know you are happy and loving life right now with your new life your mom and Chad are making for you.....just stay sweet and know I love you.....
Love always and forever always
Grandma
PS- for some reason I feel like your mom and Chad are loving life right now and you are totally happy and I love that feeling....stay sweet little one.....
September 13, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Gary M. Tessinari.....25 years old
Dearest Gary,
So its your 25th birthday.....25 years ago you were born to a mother who didn't think she could be a mother......and maybe I was not the best mother......but here you are on the day you were born, married, and living on your own....so HAPPY BIRTHDAY ......and may you get everything you want out of life and then some.....I wanted you to always have your dreams come true....and hopefully they are....so good luck on the next year and may you live a happy life..............
Your mom
So its your 25th birthday.....25 years ago you were born to a mother who didn't think she could be a mother......and maybe I was not the best mother......but here you are on the day you were born, married, and living on your own....so HAPPY BIRTHDAY ......and may you get everything you want out of life and then some.....I wanted you to always have your dreams come true....and hopefully they are....so good luck on the next year and may you live a happy life..............
Your mom
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Krystina Lucille.....a precious little girl.....
Krystina Lucille,
I lost a family member today and even though it's sad I did get to say goodbye this last weekend and that was special to me that I was able to do that. Aunt Louellen was a new family member.....not someone that I grew up with but a family member that I found and loved. She was important in bringing my step sisters together......its a long story.....one that I will share with you one day.
I just wanted to write and say that if I die one day without ever seeing you ever again it would be horrible to know I am leaving this earth without ever seeing you again....but I won't dwell on that right now....because I still have faith that I will get to see you again.....I had a dream though this week because I knew my Aunt Louellen would leave this earth that it made my dreams more vivid about you and your mom.....there would be a knock on the door and your mom and you would be standing there.....I would pick you up if you were still little enough to do that that I would give you and your mom the biggest hug in the world and I don't see myself letting go for a long while....but it was a dream and hopefully one that will come true.
What is funny is that I have a co worker that has five children and I envy the grandmother and the joy she gets from being able to be a grandmother to his children, hell to be honest I envy Grandma Marie and the time she gets to be with you, but you have to figure it may be part of a punishment I am living for allowing your mom to come and live with my family and getting to love your mom for those years that Grandma Marie didn't get. I look back and think about what kind of grandmother I would be and have been for even that short of a time I loved a precious little girl that is growing up everyday bigger and bigger......I love you little girl and you will always be that little girl.....I have to say that I pray that Kayti and Chadwick are putting pics up every once in a while for me to see and have just to be able to see you all. Because those pics mean so much to me in my low times and make me smile knowing you are happy and your mommy is happy......I think that is why I am at peace just knowing that your mom is happy and so are you....love them little girl and stay safe.....
So because I am a little to sentimental at this time I am going to end this letter......but know I love you a great deal...
Love always and forever,
Your Grandmother
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| Aunt Louelle, MyLinh, Uncle Clyde, and Krystina (2008) - MAY YOU REST IN PEACE AUNT LOUELLEN (2012) |
I just wanted to write and say that if I die one day without ever seeing you ever again it would be horrible to know I am leaving this earth without ever seeing you again....but I won't dwell on that right now....because I still have faith that I will get to see you again.....I had a dream though this week because I knew my Aunt Louellen would leave this earth that it made my dreams more vivid about you and your mom.....there would be a knock on the door and your mom and you would be standing there.....I would pick you up if you were still little enough to do that that I would give you and your mom the biggest hug in the world and I don't see myself letting go for a long while....but it was a dream and hopefully one that will come true.
What is funny is that I have a co worker that has five children and I envy the grandmother and the joy she gets from being able to be a grandmother to his children, hell to be honest I envy Grandma Marie and the time she gets to be with you, but you have to figure it may be part of a punishment I am living for allowing your mom to come and live with my family and getting to love your mom for those years that Grandma Marie didn't get. I look back and think about what kind of grandmother I would be and have been for even that short of a time I loved a precious little girl that is growing up everyday bigger and bigger......I love you little girl and you will always be that little girl.....I have to say that I pray that Kayti and Chadwick are putting pics up every once in a while for me to see and have just to be able to see you all. Because those pics mean so much to me in my low times and make me smile knowing you are happy and your mommy is happy......I think that is why I am at peace just knowing that your mom is happy and so are you....love them little girl and stay safe.....
So because I am a little to sentimental at this time I am going to end this letter......but know I love you a great deal...
Love always and forever,
Your Grandmother
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