Krystina Lucille Tessinari Merry Christmas 2017

MERRY CHRISTMAS KRYSTINA

Well its almost another year that is going by.  Another Christmas that is spent without you in my life but I know that you are having a great Christmas.  I wonder what you received this year and if you got everything you wanted.  I can see you in my eyes, maybe not as grown up as you probably are but as a child with the thrill of opening presents and your sister opening hers.  You are always thought about, imagined and sending my love ALWAYS.  I have hope that you know one day we will get to meet.  I don't want you to go without at least meeting me one day.  I hate that I may never live up to your expectations because I know if you even know about me you have this dream image of me and it will disappoint.  Take your expectations down some Krystina.  I am loud and crude and just me.  I am not perfect and beautiful or anything you imagine.  I am fat and ugly with three eyeballs......ONLY KIDDING ABOUT THE THREE EYEBALLS. 

Listen a New Year is coming up and I count the years by your birthday.  I almost took a plane trip this last year to see you.  I had an overwhelming urge to just hop on a plane, knock on your door and say I love you.  But people talked me out of it, and I stayed home.  I am not going to let people talk me out of it for to much longer because I have a unnatural desire to see you before it to late.  Yet I am home in Orlando thinking of you this Christmas evening.  Made a lasagna and chicken parm this Christmas.  Its one of those treats that take a lot of time, I even made a comment that this may be my last time doing this....lol...to your grandfather horror I have to say.  As a Italian we cook to over cook and make a meal fit for 20 people when there is only 4 sitting here actually eating it....hence the fat and ugly part for me.

Anyway I hope you had a beautiful Christmas with family and you are surrounded by love.  I love you and always will Krystina. 

Love always
Grandma MyLinh    

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

Hi everyone and I do mean everyone

  Rough year lots of downs and lots of highs.  Just got off the phone with my oldest Gary and talked about the holidays what I am making for Thanksgiving.  Taking a trip to N Carolina and cooking his Vietnamese meal.  May have to teach the grand kids how to do this, not going to be around forever you know.  Talked about forgiveness and such, thought about my mother and how it is so very hard to forgive everyone, working on that.  Thought about my granddaughter Krystina and how life is for her.  I am thinking on my blessings my struggles and life in general but I noticed this isn't a year I have been on here alot.  I had a conversation with Patrick that I have so much to say and I think about how to say it and its not like me to be speechless but with what I want to say and how I want to say it is hard this year.  To much to say and just don't have the words.

But right now I have to say I send out a THANKSGIVING wish to everyone that reads this and "yes" Kayti that is for you and your family also.  LOVE TO ALL and Krystina I think about u a lot even though this is not a year that I wrote a lot to u.

Love

MyLinh

Life

Life is just so unpredictable and strange - the Tessinari, Birdsong, McDonald's in this life have their major moments.  Everything goes well and then in an instant everything changes.  Was this how life was meant to be.  There is a beginning and middle and then an end.  We have to wonder what is the point sometimes.  Some religions say there is no "hell" per say and I say that life on this earth is hell enough for me.  But if there is a "hell" then I am in for a long long time there.  My life isn't great its satisfying at times but its not great.  I wonder why I live at all, to bring happiness to bring fulfillment to bring joy.  But to who?

There is so much sadness in life for me at times and then like this past week after a long long time I have broke out in laughter where tears have come down my eyes and my belly aches because I am laughing so hard.  It was strange after stating I haven't laughed like that in a long time that it happened more then once this week.  Was it someone telling me it can be done or was I aching for it so badly that it happened without me thinking about it.  I have made some new friends that are in the forefront and some that are in the background.  I have lost friends this year that people have stated they were never your friends if they can disregard you like that yet I can't stop aching for the familiarity of them and what I can say to them or act with them or laugh with them or support them.  Life changes to much and I crave routine sometimes.  I am happier at work, yet when thing change there to its like the balance is lost and I have to find footing, yet I have the love at home that is just missing one piece and I miss that piece and I know that its sadness when I think about it but the mind is funny it brings it up at the oddest times.

I found that I am just eternally sad and its comes unexpectedly and I just want to be one of those people that can forget it.  I have forgotten other sad things in my life and buried those things so deep that I don't think about it but then something triggers it to the forefront and BAM I have to confront it.  I have a life that I can not say is truly bliss and happiness 24 hours a day but who in their right minds can say that.  They are the  people that can hide behind their stuff and fake it so well that you look at them and say I want that but you just don't know what happens behind closed doors do you.

I am one of those that have survived all the crap handed to her and I muddle through the quicksand only to find that I have to step gently and carefully before the next quicksand pit swallows me up.  I wasn't meant to have that perfect life, I was meant for -who knows what.  But its one second one minute one hour one day at a time for me.  And as long as I can I will hang in there and love and laugh and live because I just want to.  When the sadness envelopes me I will reach out and have who love me take me by the hand with kind words and shoulders to cry on and give me that push off the edge till the next time.  I have good and wonderful people that love me, and I love them.  But depression is so real and its so strong that I have to fight it because I want my life and whoever in this universal that wants to take it from me CAN GO TO HELL AT THIS MOMENT.

     

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRYSTINA

Good Morning

I am here to wish you Krystina Lucille Tessinari a great day.  And this year your birthday also runs on Saint Patrick's Day.  Born under a four leaf clover you were.  I wish you all the happiness life has to offer you each and everyday.  I love you Krystina and even though there are circumstanses of us not being together in the past it was a choice I made but the time now is being withheld by others one day it will be we at least get to meet once and I will cherish that forever and ever.  YOU HAVE THE MOST GRANDEST DAY....this is the day you entered our lives and became #1 in a lot of hearts.  Love to you being sent from Grandpa Lonnie and Uncle Patrick.  I am actually in North Carolina with Titan and Isabella, who quite frankly are wearing this grandma out but are the greatest.  And we all wish u were here to celebrate your birthday.

So be happy and smile all day.  And know I love you with all my heart and then some.

Love always and Forever

Grandma MyLinh

I love you Krystina

Dearest Krystina

I love you.  Lets make it simple as that I love you and never will stop loving you.

Love your Grandmother MyLinh